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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 




rom the 




ighways 




of llife 



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THERE SHALL BE ONE FOLD AND ONE SHEPHERD " 




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New York 
XTbe Columbus press 

I20 West 6oth St 



1893 



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Copyright, 1893, by ''The Missionary Society of St. 
Paui., the Aposti^e, in the State of New York.'* 



Printed at The Columbus Press, 1 20 West 60th St. 



PREFACE. 



^tIHE purpose of publishing this volume is to 
^ show how converts are made. Each narra- 
tive tells of the evolution of the truth in a 
mind acting under the influence of its provi- 
dential environment. This accounts for the 
striking variety of character both before and 
after conversion. The converts differed very 
widely from each other in their dissent from 
Catholic truth, approached it from every direc- 
tion, and they differ yet in the enjoyment of 
that freedom which the unity of truth does not 
deny them. 

All kinds of converts are here, specimens of 
our many thousands, hailing from all sections 
of the shadowy regions of doubt and error. In 
fact experience shows, as do these Conver- 
sions, that men and women of our day are im- 
pelled in their religious movements chiefly to- 
wards the satisfaction of their personal necessi- 
ties in the intellectual and moral order. The 
organic form given to revealed religion by its 
Divine Founder is readily enough accepted as 



Preface, 



soon as the earnest seeker finds that in Catho- 
lic truth alone can he fully satisfy the aspira- 
tions of his soul. 

The interest in these sketches is like that 
felt in reading narratives of travel, for they tell 
of journeys on the' highways and byways which 
lead to truth. The Catholic reader will note 
that the heroic part of the progress was not so 
much in overcoming repugnance to the faith on 
account of its mysteries as in surmounting diffi- 
culties of a personal nature, those of family, so- 
cial station, business, and the like. Dry didac- 
tics make up the smaller portion of these ex- 
periences, as they do of most conversions. 

One purpose of this book is to show Catho- 
lics by object-lessons how to help men and 
women into the Church. Here will be seen the 
invincible influence of soul upon soul in propa- 
gating the truth — a burning word, a generous 
sacrifice, a noble life. The resistless power of 
fact, one conversion producing another, is here 
displayed. And especially do we see here the 
constraining power of the Printed Word, — all 
grades of it, from the Bible to the penny cate- 
chism. 

In the hands of inquirers this is a book of 



Preface. 5 

charts, guiding by the sun and stars of divine 
truth, as well as by its landmarks and soundings, 
the weary but steadfast pilgrim to the haven of 
safety. 

It need hardly be said that these Conversions 
are authentic, both in fact and in authorship. 
Each one was written by the person concerned, 
except in the small number of cases where the 
report is that of a friend. The writers' names 
are withheld for obvious reasons. 

With one exception, the subjects of these 
narratives are not our more distinguished con- 
verts ; nor, on the other hand, are they from 
the ranks of the uneducated. 

Here is a selection of perhaps one in a 
hundred from the lawyers and doctors, the 
merchants and journalists, the stock-brokers and 
men of leisure, the actors and musicians, the 
ministers and students for the ministry — not the 
highest officers indeed, but a few names from 
the long muster-roll of the rank and file of the 
corps d' elite of humanity who have been com- 
pelled by their intelligence and virtue to join 
the banner of Christ unfurled by Holy Church. 



CONTENTS, 



PAGE 

How I BECAME A CATHOLIC, 9 

A Convert from Judaism, .... 28 

How AN ANGLO-CaTHOLIC BECAME A ROMAN 

Catholic, 34 

Out of Calvinism into Truth, ... 40 

My Two Conversions, ...... 47 

Found in a Newspaper, 53 

The Prayers of the Poor, 63 

Conversion of a Jewish Family, . . . 69 

A Descendant of the Pilgrim Fathers, . 71 

From the Invisible to the Visible Church, 79 

The Catholic Religion the greatest of 

Sciences, 84 

Thornton's Conversion 95 

A Printer's Token of Catholic Truth, . . 97 

A Page in my Life's History. — By a School- 
Girl, 108 

Enlightened by the Holy Ghost, . . .111 

The Story of a Colored Man's Con- 
version, 122 

7-8 



From the Highways of Life. 




HOW I BECAME A CATHOLIC. 

INCJE I began, with some reluctance, this 
piece of egotistical writing I have been 
consoled by some words of Cardinal New- 
man * which have anew fallen under my no- 
tice. The substance of his remarks is, that when one 
brings his own religious experience to the common stock 
of psychological facts, egotism is true modesty, which per- 
mits him to state what are personally his own grounds for 
his belief, with such an assurance of their sufficiency that 
he thinks they should suffice for others also, unless there 
are impediments which may be invincible or not — a ques- 
tion which he has no call to meddle with. 

It is, however, less than this which I propose to do 
in describing the process, without formally giving the 
reasons, of my becoming a Catholic, except in short and 
simple statements by way of explanation. 

My father inherited his patronymic name from an 
honest English mariner who, though not a Puritan, was 
an early settler in New England. My mother inherited 
hers from an Irish Presbyterian minister who came over 
to Connecticut about the year 171 8 and married a lineal 

* Grammar of Assejit^ chap. x. b.t the beginning. 
9 



lo From the Highways of Life. 

descendant of the Puritan Captain John Mason. I was 
bred in the Congregational sect and in the strictest Cal- 
vinistic doctrine. I am a New-Englander in heart as 
well as by birth and descent, and I have a sincere re- 
spect for my ancestors and the other forefathers of my 
own country and people, so far as their civic and social 
virtues deserve it. Their religion also I honor, inasmuch 
as it was based on belief in the Bible, in the divinity of 
Christ, and on sound morality. I am grateful for the 
goodly natural heritage they have left to. their offspring, 
and also for the Christian tradition, albeit a defective 
one, which they have transmitted. There is no claim, 
however, which parents can have on the religious alle- 
giance of their offspring after the period of nonage, except 
so far as they represent a higher and divine authority. 
Allegiance to ancestral religion, so far as it is in any 
way due, ought to be given to the original Christianity 
of our Catholic forefathers in England, who were con- 
verted from heathenism by the missionaries of the Roman 
Church. 

I never felt any sympathy with Puritanism. A spon- 
taneous repugnance of mind and heart to this narrow, 
harsh, and dreary system of religion sprang up in me as 
soon as I began to have thoughts and sentiments of my 
own. This was fostered by my reading, which I began 
at a very early age, in history and general literature. 
Besides this I was frequently conversing with relatives 
and friends whose religion was of a milder and more 
genial type, particularly with the Episcopalians. A thaw 
had set in among the orthodox Congregationalists, un- 
der which their Calvinism was melting away. This 



From the Highzvays of Life. 1 1 

did not affect me much, except as it weakened the moral 
influence which is exerted by common consent and agree- 
ment in doctrine. I was attracted to the EpiscopaHan 
form of Protestantism from childhood, and to no other. 
I was famiUar w^ith it from reading EngUsh history and 
hterature, often attending its services, and even perusing 
some of its able works of controversial divinity. I think 
that if I had been educated under the High-Church dis- 
cipline, or had even been permitted to exercise the right 
of private judgment by choosing my religion for myself, 
I might have been practically religious during all my 
boyhood and youth. As it was, I only made occasional 
and fitful efforts in that direction, under the influence of 
the emotional excitement to which young people in the 
evangelical sects are at times liable, especially during 
what they call " revivals." At twelve I had finished the 
course at Phillips Academy, Andover, and before I was 
fifteen I was entered at Amherst College. I never made 
what is called a '* profession of religion " until some 
months after my graduation. During my college life I 
was inclined to look for a philosophy purely rational and 
not specifically Christian, after the manner of Carlyle. I 
had no expectation of joining any kind of church, much 
less of entering the clerical profession. I was looking 
forward to a secular profession, to gaining all honorable 
worldly advantages and enjoyments, to acquiring wealth 
and fame, and, in short, was building castles in Spain of 
great magnificence. 

Notwithstanding passing clouds of scepticism and 
aberrations into the region of pseudo-rational philosophy, 
I was too well grounded in natural theology, the evi- 



1 2 From the Highways of Life. 

dences of Christianity, and the knowledge of the Bible 
to be swept off from those foundations into infidelity. 

It was during the first year after my graduation that 
a crisis occurred which I look upon as really my " con- 
version." I was shut up in solitude with my law-books, 
looking forward to my worldly career. My thoughts and 
aspirations were ifresistibly turned from this earthly 
vision, w^hich vanished like " a castle in the air," toward 
God and eternity. It was my most intense desire to be 
completely freed from sin, to be reconciled with God, to 
seek for him as the supreme good, to devote myself to 
his service, and to attain the true end of my being in 
the future life by an everlasting and perfect union with 
God. I believed firmly that this could only be accom- 
plished through the grace of the Divine Redeemer and 
Mediator, Jesus Christ. It never occurred to me to im- 
agine, or to wish that there was any way of entering in- 
to or persevering in the state of grace, except the one 
way of obedience to the law of God — obedience to the 
law which commands us to believe what he has revealed, 
to avoid what he has forbidden, and to do the good 
works which he has prescribed through the natural con- 
science and the precepts of the Gospel. I firmly deter- 
mined to follow the light of truth in my mind, and to 
obey all the dictates of conscience with the most perfect 
fidelity possible, recognizing also the veracity of God as 
the absolute standard of truth, and the will of God as 
the absolute rule of right. I have never since that time 
retracted this resolution. In virtue of it I became and I 
remain a Catholic. It produced a great and decisive 
change in my moral state and attitude toward God and 



From the Highways of Life, 1 3 

the world, which has not been succeeded by any similar 
change, and therefore I call it emphatically a " conver- 
sion." 

There was one great practical difficulty in my way 
which my father removed by a happy inconsistency. 
The transition from the state of death to the state of 
life, which I had been taught in childhood must be 
effected by an act of God under which the soul is pas- 
sive, before one could begin to elicit any vital and salu- 
tary acts — how could I believe or. hope that this had 
been or would be effected ? Two or three times in my 
past life, under the influence of religious excitement, I 
had fancied that certain emotions w^ere an evidence that 
I had experienced this mysterious change of heart. But 
when this temporary excitement passed away I had al- 
ways relapsed into the old state, and I had never even 
asked to be admitted to the communion. I was not dis- 
posed to let myself be deluded again by my imagination. 
In this dilemma I was helped by a statement which my 
father made, that a baptized person might claim all the 
privileges of a child of God which are signified by bap- 
tism, if he were willing to acknowdedge and ratify his 
ow^n part in that covenant of adoption of w^hich the sac- 
rament is the sign and seal. This imperfect, lingering 
remnant of the Catholic doctrine of baptismal regenera- 
tion is found in the writings of John Calvin himself; and, 
although mostly ignored and fallen into oblivion among 
the so-called evangelical sects, it has never wholly disap- 
peared even from among Calvin's disciples. It was a 
perfectly new idea to me when I heard my father pro- 
pose it, as it were casually, in a conversation one Sunday 



14 From the Highways of Life. 

evening. It was a very welcome one, for I was only too 
happy to be allowed to consider myself as a child of 
God, and to have a definite ground of belief that he 
would recognize me as such on the condition of exercis- 
ing filial faith, hope, love, and obedience, with contrition 
for all former transgressions. I began at once to fulfil 
my part of the baptismal compact, trusting in the mercy 
of God for forgiveness and all the grace which I needed 
in order to live as a Christian and persevere to the end. 

I think that probably I did recover at that time the 
grace w^hich I had received in baptism, and that from 
this time forward I was united to the soul of the Catho- 
lic Church, by faith, hope, and charity, several years before 
I was received into her outward communion, and formally 
absolved from all censures and sins which I had incurred 
since my baptism in infancy. 

As for difficulties and objections relating to particular 
doctrines, and the sympathies and antipathies which I 
have before mentioned, such as might seem to have rea- 
sonably made me pause and examine more carefully 
where I should find that genuine Christianity which would 
satisfy my mind and heart, they were in abeyance. Ful- 
filment of the obligations of baptism seemed to involve 
allegiance to the discipline and doctrine of my hereditary 
sect in which I had been baptized. I took it for granted 
that this foregone conclusion would be ratified and justi- 
fied by my future study of theology and ecclesiastical his- 
tory. At the seminary I earnestly endeavored to throw 
myself into the most thorough and logically coherent sys- 
tem of Calvinistic theology. As I was intellectually hon- 
est in this effort, and governed by a paramount love of 



From the Highways of Life. 1 5 

truth, the result was that I found the whole system break 
to pieces under my feet. I did not waver in my belief 
of the truth of Christianity and of the chief articles of the 
Catholic creed. But I rejected the Calvinistic doctrines 
as merely human and spurious additions to the faith, or 
travesties of genuine Christian doctrines. 

Moreover, I w^as convinced by study that the Protes- 
tant sects w^hich had organized themselves on the Presby- 
terian basis had departed altogether from the apostolic 
and primitive order of episcopacy, so that their claim to 
be recognized as churches was questionable, and the 
irregularity of their constitution was certain. 

From this time my respect for the Reformation as a 
general movement, and for all religious teachers and doc- 
trines which were its legitimate offspring, was destroyed. 
I looked toward the Church of the Fathers, to the succes- 
sors of the Apostles, to that episcopal body which had in- 
herited the divine commission of teaching and ruling, for 
the genuine and perfect form of Christianity in respect to 
doctrine and order. 

This was the time (1840-46) when the rich literature 
of the Oxford school obtained a wdde circulation among 
Episcopalians in this country. It obtained many adhe- 
rents and advocates, and the so-called Anglo-Catholic 
movement not only rose to a great importance in Eng- 
land, but attracted general attention and exerted great in- 
fluence in America. From this source I gained a much 
fuller knowledge of primitive and Catholic doctrines his- 
torically and logically connected w^ith the one specially 
emphasized by the High-Church party — />., the apostolic 
succession through the episcopate. It is needless to spe- 



1 6 From the Highways of Life, 

cify doctrines generally well known as taught in that An- 
glican school with more or less explicitness and complete- 
ness — a sort of semi-Catholic system, in its highest degree 
approximating so nearly to genuine Catholicism that its 
advocates were regarded by outside observers as ** Ro- 
manizing." 

Some little time elapsed before I reached the conclu- 
sion that I must sever my connection with the ministry 
and communion of the Congregationalist sect. When I 
arrived at this conclusion I passed over to the communion, 
and in due time into the lowest order of the ministry, of 
the Protestant Episcopal Church, where I remained until 
the early part of the year 1846. 

This had been the church of my boyish reverence and 
love. I had plenty of relatives and friends in it, and the 
transition from extreme Protestantism to a Protestantism 
half-Catholic was not so very violent when accomplished by 
easy stages. It was not so far a cry from Geneva to Can- 
terbury as from Geneva to Rome. I did not once con- 
sider the idea of going to Rome, or expect ever to go there. 
I thought that what is called in a loose kind of phrase- 
ology ** the Anglican Communion " was a true branch of 
the One, Holy, Catholic, Apostolic Church, of which the 
Roman Catholic Church and the Greek Church were also 
branches , that it had been justly and lawfully reformed in 
some respects, and was the real continuation of the old 
Catholic Church of England, although unfortunately es- 
tranged and separated, in respect to external communion, 
from its sister-churches and from the somewhat haughty 
and unkind mother-church of Rome. 

I was loyal and true to my new allegiance so long as 



From the Highways of Life, 17 

my conscience permitted me to acknowledge it. I trav- 
elled rapidly Romeward, following the path of Froude, 
Allies, Faber, and Newman ; but I did not know where I 
was going until I suddenly came upon the gate of the city. 
I never harbored the thought of leaving my ecclesiastical 
position until within a few weeks of the time when I 
severed the tie which bound me to it. As soon as my 
conscience required me to make this severance I ceased 
to officiate in the ministry and to receive communion. 
The last time that I officiated as a deacon in the Protes- 
tant Episcopal Church was on Christmas day, 1845, and 
this was the last time I communicated. On the following 
Easter day I made my first communion in the Catholic 
Church, and one year from that time I was ordained priest, 
on March 25, 1847. 

Nearly all the study and reading, the personal influen- 
ces and other circumstances, which determined or affected 
my religious course in a Catholic direction w^ere Protes- 
tant. I read very little in Catholic books of the modern 
period, and had but very rare and slight acquaintance with 
Catholics, except those w^ho w^ere in a humble sphere. 

There were, however, certain distinctively Cathohc im- 
pressions made upon me, few in number and at rare in- 
tervals, which I think worth mentioning. 

At a very early age those texts of the New^ Testament 
w^hich relate to the Holy Eucharist seemed to me to 
teach most clearly the doctrine of the Real Presence. 
Also the texts concerning St. Peter impressed me vividly 
as teaching the apostoHc primacy of St. Peter and his suc- 
cessors. Those impressions were never effaced. The first 
Catholic book of controversy I read was Dr. Pise's Letters 



1 8 From the Highways of Life, 

to Ada from Her Brother-in-law y which I found and 
read in a book-store with a strange kind of delight, though 
it seemed to me more Hke romance than reahty. Another 
was The Controversy between Dr. Httghes and Dr. Breck- 
enridge. I was particularly struck with one sentence in 
which Dr. Hughes spoke of Catholicism as " a holy but 
calumniated religian." I thought to myself that very pro- 
bably most of the evil things I had been taught and had 
taken for granted concerning that religion were calum- 
nies, and I never changed my opinion afterwards. Wise- 
man's Lectures on Science and Revealed Religion indirect- 
ly increased my respect for the Catholic Church. The 
edition of which I had a copy w^as published at Andover 
under the auspices of some gentlemen of the seminary, 
who thus did a great service by introducing the great fu- 
ture cardinal and his works to the American public. 

Other writings by Protestants, however, which were 
very useful and instructive, by giving more correct and 
enlightened views of the Catholic Church and her great 
men than those which prejudice and calumny had made 
prevalent, were Ranke's History of the Popes, Guizot's 
History of European Civilization, review articles by Ma- 
caulay and Stephen, Dr. John Lord's lectures, etc. I 
remember also reading a very curious work by Salvador, 
a French Jew of the most extreme liberal sort, in which 
it is very strongly asserted that the Catholic religion is 
the original and genuine Christianity, while Protestantism 
is only a huge blunder. I have heard other intelligent 
Jews say that if they were convinced that Jesus is the 
true Messiah they would not hesitate a moment to join 
the Catholic Church. 



From the Highways of Life, 19 

The first time I ever entered a Catholic Church I was 
taken to the old St. Patrick's Cathedral of New York by 
my father. The first time I was present at High Mass 
was while I was a student of the East Windsor Semi- 
nary. I did not understand the ceremonies very well, but 
it seemed to me that the Mass was the most august and 
suitable form of the worship of Almighty God, and it re- 
minded me of the pictures of Jewish ceremonial in Cal- 
niefs Dictionary^ with which I had been familiar in child- 
hood. This was in St. Patrick's Cathedral, New York. 
Father Starrs was the celebrant, and Dr. Hughes, who 
was then in his prime, preached the sermon. The next 
day I went to prayers at the General Theological Semi- 
nary, and for the first time the service seemed flat and 
tame. 

A scrap of Arabic poetry, quoted by Mr. Palgrave, 
runs thus: 

" Not by chance the currents flow : 

Error-mazed yet truth directed, to their certain goal they go." 

It may seem strange to some that the currents did not 
bear me straight into the Catholic Church instead of by 
the bend of AngUcanism. Yet, strange as it is to the 
view of those who stand in a position to see the bend, 
others who are in it do not perceive the curvature. I did 
not regard the Anglican communion as a sect separated 
from the Catholic Church. Neither did I regard it as the 
entire Catholic Church, and therefore look on the Roman 
and Greek Churches as sects in separation. If I may 
illustrate my concept of the Church by a figure taken 
from a material temple, I looked on the Roman Catholic 
Church as the choir and nave, the Greek Church as a 



20 From the Highways of Life, 

great transept, and the Anglican Church as a side-cha- 
pel with its porch opening on another street. As I was 
born, bred, and then dwelling on that street, it was more 
natural and easy to go in by this side-porch to the cha- 
pel than to go all the way around to the grand front 
entrance. If the chapel was served by priests, and one 
could have the sacraments and other privileges of the 
Church in it, he would not need to pass through into the 
nave or to distress himself because the passage was 
barred. 

So long as one holds such a vague and imperfect con- 
ception of the essence of the Catholic Church, he can ap- 
proach indefinitely near to it in his other conceptions of 
doctrine and discipline without perceiving any practical 
reason for passing over to the Roman communion. The 
late Leonard Woods, Jr., D.D., and others have made a 
similar approximation, and have still remained — some for 
a long time, some until death — in one of the various 
Presbyterian churches. So long as one considers that 
intellectual, moral, and spiritual community in ideas, sen- 
timents, sympathies, together with the reception of the 
Sacraments of Baptism and the Eucharist, in what he 
conceives to be a valid and lawful manner, make up the 
essential bonds of Catholic unity — i.e., that the tie which 
binds is invisible — he can agree with the Church of Rome 
very closely in faith, and love her devotedly, without 
thinking of stirring from his nook in the Protestant sect 
he belongs to. He may recognize the apostolic origin of 
the limited primacies of Alexandria and Antioch and the 
universal primacy of Rome, and may lament and con- 
demn in great part the so-called Reformation. And yet 



From the Highways of Life. 2 1 

he will not admit that he is a heretic or even a schisma- 
tic, as he is held to be in the foro externa of the Roman 
Church. 

The one practical and decisive point which is the pivot 
on which all turns is this : There is but one flock and 
one shepherd, the successor of Peter, and those bishops, 
priests, and people who are under his supreme pastoral 
episcopate. All who are not in this fold, whether they be 
genuine sheep and lambs, or wolves in sheep's clothing, 
are only scattered aliens and wanderers. There are bish- 
ops, priests, and baptized Christians in great numbers 
who are outside the fold of Peter. But although these 
are gathered into com.munities, and even though their 
doctrine may be in great measure in accordance with the 
Catholic faith, none of these communities are organic'por- 
tions of the Catholic Church. Even on the supposition, 
therefore, that the Protestant Episcopal Church, through 
the Church of England, had preserved the apostolical suc- 
cession and an external connection with the ancient Cath- 
olic Chuich in England, and had retained the essentials 
of the faith, this would not suffice to establish the claim 
which is made for it by its so-called Anglo-Catholic mem- 
bers. It is not enough to profess the Catholic faith, to 
have received Baptism, to be a member of a religious so- 
ciety whose clergy have received a valid ordination. The 
law of Christ requires, moreover, that we should profess 
the faith and receive the sacraments in the one true Church 
whose pastors have a lawful authority under the supreme 
jurisdiction of the Chief Pastor of the Universal Church, 
the successor of St. Peter. 

As I have said, I was about three years in reaching this 



22 From the Highways of Life. 

conclusion. At first I regarded the Anglican branch, as I 
esteemed it to be, of the Catholic Church as being, in 
its ideal theory according to the interpretation of the most 
advanced High-Churchmen, the nearest to the primitive 
standard. Next to it w^as the Greek Church, and the 
most removed, by human additions and alterations, the 
Roman. By a gradu-al change I came to regard, first the 
Greek Church as the nearest to the model of ancient 
Christianity, and afterwards the Roman. The Anglican 
"branch," of course, fell away from its high place in my 
estimation more and more, as the most imperfect and 
anomalous of all the divisions of Catholic Christendom, 
just barely excusable from the charge of schism and 
heresy. The party with which I sympathized looked back 
to the epoch before the separation of East and West, and 
looked forward to an epoch when a reunion would take 
place, by means of an oecumenical council, when Rome 
would abate her pretensions, modify and correct some 
points of her doctrine and discipline, and open the way 
to a universal reconciliation and reconstruction of Chris- 
tendom. Briefly, and in a matter-of-fact statement, this 
is a project of bringing Rome down to the level of Con- 
stantinople, and all the Eastern and Western dissidents 
up to that level. Anglicans and other Protestants have 
often shown a hankering after fellowship with the Greeks 
on account of their middle position between Rome and 
Canterbury. One of the schemes for attaining this fellow- 
ship was the location of a bishop with a small staff of 
clergy in Constantinople to cultivate the friendship of the 
Melchites and other Eastern sects. Dr. Southgate was 
appointed to this mission, and he requested me to accom- 



From the Highways of Life. 23 

pany him, which I consented to do ; but my appointment 
was not ratified by the Missionary Committee, who dis- 
trusted my CathoHc tendencies. While I was expecting 
to go on this mission I had a conversation on the sub- 
ject with Dr. Seabury. The doctor inquired whether we 
expected to persuade the Greeks to change any of their 
doctrines and to conform in any respect to those of the 
Protestant Episcopal Church. I repHed that I supposed 
the basis of agreement must be laid on the foundation of 
the first six councils, and that the Greeks would have to 
give up the seventh, and their doctrine and practice con- 
cerning the cultus of the Virgin Mary, the saints, and 
images. Upon this the doctor argued very strongly and 
conclusively that the same reasons which establish the 
oecumenical authority of the first six councils equally avail 
for the seventh, and that on Catholic principles the Angli- 
can Church had no case against the Greek Church. It is 
plain enough that the same argument logically carried 
out concludes for the oecumenical authority of the coun- 
cils of Lyons and Florence, and proves that the Greeks, 
and a fortiori the Anglicans, have no case against the 
Roman Church. 

There were other things said by Dr. Seabury which I 
cannot distinctly remember, the effect of his whole con- 
versation being to set my mind on a course of thought 
and reading which carried me onward to the last position 
which I rested in, so long as it seemed to be tenable. 
It has been, and still is, a position occupied by a certain 
number of the so-called Orthodox Orientals and Western 
Protestants — viz., that certain Christian communities sepa- 
rated from the communion of the Roman Church are in 



24 From the Highways of Life. 

an irregular and anomalous condition, a state of secession 
and revolt which is wrong and unjustifiable, but not de- 
structive of the essential Catholic unity, the organic iden- 
tity of what they call the universal church in all its parts 
and members, which, though severely wounded, are not 
severed. It is argued in this plea that individuals are not 
responsible, and not to blame for the misfortune which 
was caused by the sins of their ancestors. They may, 
and even ought to, remain where they are, desiring, pro- 
moting, and waiting for corporate reunion. 

Surely this notion that the Roman Catholic Church 
and the Protestant Episcopal are essentially one and the 
same is chimerical, and needs only an exercise of common 
sense to vanish like a bubble. However, we who were 
playing an ingenious dramatic performance as Catholics 
were living in a visionary, and not in the real world. It 
needed time and hard blows to break the spell of illu- 
sion. 

In my case experience proves that our Catholicism 
was an affair of books, of the imagination, of a certain 
set of individuals, and not the genuine religion of the 
Church of England and the American sect which has 
chosen for itself the name '' Protesta7it Episcopal." These 
communities are Protestant, although, along with extreme 
rationalism, they tolerate a kind of Catholicism. They 
are not only estranged from the Roman Church, but en- 
gaged in an " irrepressible conflict " with it. I soon per- 
ceived in my bishop (Dr. Whittingham) an intensity of 
animosity against the Roman Church which was really 
violent. He, like many others of his kind, was anxious 
to make proselytes, and when one fell into his hands he 



i 



From the Highways of Life, 25 

would reconfirm him. This is but one instance among a 
multitude of facts which prove that a cordial sympathy 
with the actual, informing spirit of the Protestant Episco- 
pal Church is in diametrical opposition to the Catholic 
spirit. 

I will not analyze more minutely the process which 
wrought my total and final severance from the Protes- 
tant connection. 

John Henry Newman had just been received into the 
Catholic Church. I had been sent to a plantation in 
North Carolina, with symptoms which threatened a fatal 
issue within a few months. During that winter I had 
leisure to mature the results of the study and thought of 
the several preceding years, and with the strongest possi- 
ble motive to make a decision which would endure the 
test of the divine truth and justice. From the last spit 
of sand on which I had found a temporary footing I made 
the leap across upon the Rock, an act which, of course, 
I was only enabled to make by a special aid of divine 
grace, but which, none the less, I consider as a perfectly 
reasonable act, and one which can be justified on the 
most satisfactory rational grounds. 

In the foregoing pages I have sketched the progress 
of my religious convictions from Protestant Christianity 
pure and simple, in the form commonly called *' orthodox " 
and "evangelical," through the middle ground of ** High 
Church " and ** Anglo-Cathohc " Episcopalianism to the 
perfect and integral Christianity of the Catholic, ApostoHc, 
Roman Church. 

The justification of this process in a rational sense con- 
sists simply in this : that it is consequent and logical from 



26 From the Highways of Life. 

the premises that God is; that the Godhead is in the 
Person of Christ ; that Christ has proclaimed and estab- 
hshed a rehgion of doctrines and precepts which is ob- 
Hgatory, universal, and perpetual in a manner which is 
certainly authenticated. 

In respect to these premises there was no process to 
be narrated, since I- began with and from them as un- 
doubted certainties. Neither does a formal justification 
of the process of concluding the logical result from the 
admission of the premises belong to a mere piece of 
psychological history. I have not in view to prove the 
validity of the inferences which I draw from the assumed 
premises any more than to prove the truth of these 
premises. I aim only at relating the manner in which the 
process went on in my own mind. And, in conclusion, I 
will sum up by a simple statement of my own religious 
convictions and beliefs as they are now, the result of 
nearly fifty years of study and thought, taking in the 
Theistic and Christian premises as well as the Catholic 
conclusion. I do not doubt my own ability to make a 
satisfactory justification of all these convictions by evi- 
dence and reasoning, and I have heretofore written a 
great deal on several points of this argument of justifica- 
tion. But just now I merely intend to indicate the theses, 
and the order in which they are arranged in the general 
conspectus, which I should undertake to defend if I were 
writing a complete treatise of apologetics, and which I 
am convinced have been amply defended by many men of 
greatly superior intellect and knowledge to my own mod- 
erate measure of these endowments. I mean this in re- 
spect to what is essential and substantial, for in respect to 



From the Highways of Life, 27 

details and those relations which change with the varying 
conditions of times, there is always a new labor of progress 
and adaptation to be carried on, w^hich is never actually 
complete and finished ; just as in the case of the science of 
military defence and attack there has been a continual 
change and improvement in artillery and fortification. 

The general conspectus is included within the terms of 
three theses : 

First. Every rational and instructed man ought to be- 
lieve in God. 

Second. One who believes in God ought to believe in 
Christ and his revelation. 

Third. Whoever believes in Christ and Christianity 
ought to believe in the Catholic Church, whose centre 
of unity and seat of sovereignty is the Roman See of 
Peter. 





A CONVERT FROM JUDAISM. 

HE subject of this sketch was born over fifty 
years ago in London (West End), England. 
Her parents were Jews, who adhered strictly 
to the precepts of their religion, and possess- 
ed an abundance of the goods of this world. She re- 
ceived a good Scriptural name, and her surname was that 
of a near friend of our Lord of whom frequent mention is 
made in the New Testament. She was the seventeenth 
child in a family of eighteen, and was born blind. Un- 
der the care of an able surgeon, after nine operations, she 
could see imperfectly, with the aid of glasses of extraordi- 
nary power. She was taught to read and write and sew, 
but was never skilful in these accomplishments. During 
her childhood her father m^oved with his family to the 
Island of Jamaica, giving her at this time a house and 
land, that on account of her affliction she might be well 
provided for. This property was taken from her when, a 
few years later, her father settled in New York and met 
with financial reverses. 

Books were her chief diversion, and she read all that 
she could find, even borrowing of the servants, who were 
often of the Catholic faith. These books, being mostly de- 
votional, aroused her interest, to such a degree that she 
sought a Catholic church and attended the services day 
after day, hoping to learn more of this religion, to which 
she was so strangely attracted. She literally haunted the 

churches, stealing away from her home and returning at 

28 



From the Highways of Life, 29 

all hours. Finally, approaching- a priest, the Rev. Dr. Cum- 
mings, pastor of St. Stephen's Church, and confiding her 
difficulties to him, she asked for instruction in the Catho- 
lic faith. Dr. Cummings very kindly placed her in charge 
of his sister, a saintly woman, who gave her all possible 
aid in her search after truth ; ministering also to her 
temporal needs, of which she was quite unmindful. 

With characteristic impatience she asked to be re- 
ceived into the church without delay, which Dr. Cum- 
mings promised on condition that she would fii;st inform 
her parents of her intention — a most difficult task, as she 
well knew the bitter opposition that would follow. After 
earnest deliberation she decided upon the following plan. 
One morning, before starting for Mass, she told one of 
her sisters that she was about to become a Catholic, ob- 
taining her promise that she would communicate the fact 
to her father and mother. Having thus satisfied her con- 
science, she returned with a light heart, informing Dr. C. 
that she had done as he required. He therefore at once 
baptized her, and she became a happy Christian, filled 
with faith and zeal for the Church. Making no effort to 
conceal her joy, when at home she sang hymns to the 
Blessed Virgin and practised devotions most unacceptable 
to a Jewish household. But she bore the sign of the 
cross, and each day brought new trials. She cheerfully 
fasted all day in order to receive Holy Communion, leav- 
ing her home before the family were up and returning when 
she would be unobserved at evening. One comfort after 
another was taken from her, until at last she was forced 
to seek temporary refuge elsewhere. Through Dr. Cum- 
mings's kindness she was sent to a convent in Canada, 



30 Frofn the Highzvays of Life, 

where a home had been offered her ; but after a few months 
her father asked for her return to his home, promising 
to care for her and allow her the privileges of her reli- 
gion. He was extremely urgent, and she journeyed home 
again, only to find a renewal of the experience of the 
past. 

She was again deprived of religious liberty, and again 
left her father's house, this time never to return, except- 
ing occasionally to see her mother, and at her father's 
death. She was evidently unwelcome, and became as a 
stranger to her brothers and sisters. She was unwilling 
to receive the shelter of any institution, public or private, 
and tried in various ways to -earn a living, working hard 
but seldom with success. A voice of rare power and sweet- 
ness was her one gift, but, without the means of culti- 
vating it, was of no practical use to her. Among her 
business enterprises was a newspaper stand, but being 
oblivious to all that did not appear to her in the direct 
line of vision through her extraordinary glasses, her box 
was often emptied of her earnings by mischievous boys 
while she was receiving money from her customers. She 
was for several years nursery governess" in a Catholic family, 
where the children were greatly attached to her. She 
had for a while the care of infants from the foundling 
asylum. She kept a small store, selling books and various 
useful articles, but owed more in the end than she ever 
received. Always working,/always poor, and always ac- 
tive in charities, she served our Lord in those less fortu- 
nate than herself, and received from her religion the great 
consolations usually accorded to so zealous a Christian. 
When apparently without resources of any kind, I learned 



From the Highways of Life, 3 1 

one day that she was paying the rent for a woman in de- 
stitute circumstances who had several small children and 
a husband who was numbered among the ''unworthy 
poor," for whom she probably begged. 

All her life she would give of the little she possessed, 
excepting fine wearing apparel ; when this fell to her lot, 
she accepted it as her natural inheritance. She never 
begged for herself, but sometimes borrowed small sums 
when she had fasted for several days and hunger com- 
pelled her. Those of other creeds asked : " Why does 
not the Church take care of her ? " But she would be 
cared for in her own way, and kind Catholic friends as- 
sisted her, one lady paying her rent for many years that 
she might enjoy her own little home, humble though it 
was. Others helped her in various ways, most unexpect- 
ed assistance arriving in times of her greatest need from 
people far away whom she had not seen for years. One 
day, wishing to visit a friend who lived at a distance, and 
having no money, she went to the station and sat among 
the waiting crowd. I do not know why she did this, as 
it is quite contrary to the usual custom of people under 
the circumstances. After a while, to her surprise, she 
saw beside her on the seat a small roll of bills, and, 
seeking an owner for it among those who sat near her, 
she was assured by all that it did not belong to them 
and that she had probably dropped it. The sum was 
just what she needed, and as no one claimed it she joy- 
fully purchased a ticket and took the train for the de- 
sired destination. Her Jewish traits were always pre- 
dominant, tempered and softeneA by her frequent recep- 
tion of the Sacraments of the Church. During the latter 



32 From the Highways of Life. 

years of her life she was afflicted with a painful and in- 
curable disease. Her strength gradually failing, she was 
confined to her bed and dependent entirely upon the chari- 
ty of friends ; occasionally she informed me that she was 
sometimes deprived of the only article of food she could 
eat, even on one occasion being obliged to return it to 
the grocer because^ she could not pay for it. At this junc- 
ture her brothers and sisters came to her relief, and aid- 
ed her to procure the comforts she needed. Her brother 
selected a room at the Astor Hospital, it being consid- 
ered best to remove her to that place. She reluctantly 
consented to the change under the impression that it was 
a Catholic institution. She was greatly distressed on dis- 
covering her mistake, and begged to be taken to her 
brother's house. But her stay was brief, as she died with- 
in a week. 

Two days before her death one of her former pupils 
was impelled to go to her, a distance of many miles, 
without knowing of her extreme illness nor of her remov- 
al to a hospital. She was overjoyed to see her young 
friend, who, finding her so near her end, informed her old 
confessor, who hastened to her bedside, heard her confes- 
sion, and requested the parish priest to give her the last 
Sacraments. In order to reconcile her to her new 
surroundings, her sister had been advised not to visit 
her for a day or two, so she died as she had lived, 
away from kindred and friends, but strengthened and con- 
soled by the Church she had loved so well and for 
which she had forsaken father and mother and all 
who had been dear to her in early life. She had 
been cared for as the lilies of the field, though she had 



From the Highways of Life, 33 

tried to " toil and spin," and I trust she is now enjoying 
an eternal home, "not made with hands," such as "eye 
hath not seen nor ear heard, nor hath it entered into 
the heart of man to conceive," and rest such as God 
gives to those who suffer patiently for him and serve 
him faithfully on earth. The funeral of this poor girl 
took place at the church in Ninety-seventh Street. Two 
m.en bore the coffin within the door, where it was met 
by the white-robed priest and an acolyte bearing a cen- 
ser, who proceeded up the aisle, and following the coffin 
were the Jewish relatives of the deceased, also two Pro- 
testant and two Catholic friends — a most remarkable pro- 
cession, and one never to be forgotten. It occurred to me 
that our Lord could not but be pleased to see so many 
children of Israel, his chosen people, assembled in his 
church to show respect and affection for one of their own 
who had left them to become his disciple. These relatives, 
with one exception, followed her to her grave in a Cath- 
olic cemeter}% having ever}^thing done according to the 
ritual of the Church, her brother paying the expenses of 
her funeral. May our dear Lord reward them with the 
greatest of all gifts — the gift of faith ! 




ir^iX^ 




HOW AN ANGLO-CATHOLIC BECAME 
A ROMAN CATHOLIC. 

O one born a Catholic, a Ritualist is a speci- 
men , of the gejius homo altogether outside 
the pale of his understanding, and, generally, 
of his interest. A good, honest, uncompro- 
mising Protestant can at once and without difficulty be 
classified and defined as such; a Greek schismatic is a 
Greek schismatic ; but a Ritualist, to use a somewhat vul- 
gar but expressive proverb, is *' neither flesh, fowl, nor good 
red herring." The name of Protestant is an insult to his 
dignity ; a Romanist he is not. What is he ? According 
to his own definition, he is an Anglo-Catholic, a member 
of the third and purest branch of the universal church ; 
according to that of his enemies. Catholic and Protes- 
tant, he is a Protestant masquerading as a Catholic. Mas- 
querading is perhaps a harsh word, for many, very many 
Ritualists are most sincere, earnest men ; but the word 
will suit our present purpose. 

A Ritualist, be it remembered, differs toto coolo from an 
old-fashioned High-Churchman, and among themselves 
every individual *' priest " and layman differs from the 
others. They had their origin in the famous Oxford move- 
ment, but have in the last twenty-five years adopted very 
generally doctrines and practices which were not con- 
templated by the first Ritualists. One word in their favor, 
and then this introduction may come to an end: they 
have, by means of their "ornate services," accustomed 

34 



From the Highways of Life, 35 

the Protestant Englishmen, of all men the most bigoted, 
to ritual, and very advanced ritual, and have been the 
guide of many wandering, restless souls into the one fold 
of the Catholic Church. 

The subject of the present sketch was born a member 
of an extremely Protestant and Evangelical family. Up to 
the age of eighteen he was influenced by no High-Church 
surroundings, but kept most strictly to the very lowest of 
Low churches, with a Presbyterian and an Independent 
chapel as the only permissible alternative. Being of an 
imaginative, poetic, and intensely impressionable disposi- 
tion, his whole soul revolted against the bare, cold, un- 
adorned ritual of the Evangelical school. On several oc- 
casions, while supposed to be attending worship at the 
Presbyterian chapel on the " Sabbath " evening, he was 
present, by stealth, at Vespers and Benediction at the ora- 
tory of the Sacred Heart in B , his native town, or at- 
tending *' choral evensong " at the High Church of St. 
Peter. The old proverb about stolen pleasures was amply 
fulfilled, though apart from the lights, music, and vest- 
ments the services in both cases were more or less "in 
an unknown tongue " to him. In the following year, 1879, 
he was sent to school in Rhenish Prussia, w^here the taste 
for Catholic ritual acquired by stealth in B was fur- 
ther developed by frequent attendance at High Mass and 
Solemn Vespers. The w^hole bent of his mind led him to 
extreme reverence, to such an extent, in fact, that he was 
taken by the peasants for a most devout Catholic. All 
this time, however, he was utterly and entirely ignorant 
of all Catholic, and even of all High Anglican, teaching. 
His own mind, guided doubtless by the Spirit of God, 



36 From the Highways of Life, 

led him to some vague, mystic comprehension of the mys- 
tery of the Real Presence, for even in a Scotch Episcopal 
chapel during his summer holidays he made a humble 
obeisance every time he passed the altar, as he already 
termed it. 

In 1880 he was sent, much against the grain, to an 
extreme Low-ChQrch college or seminary in London to 
prepare for the ministry of the Gospel. Here, however, 
he was fortunate enough to find two kindred spirits who, 
like himself, revolted against the narrow bigotry and the 
cold, bare, unadorned services of the Puritan school. 
These two men, now clergymen in the Anglican commu- 
nion, taught him the first rudiments of dogmatic theology, 
that part at least which the High Anglicans have inherited 
from the Catholic Church. In company with his friends 
he visited, in secret, such churches as St. Alban's, Hol- 
born; St. Faith's, Stoke Newington, and others, where he 
heard ** advanced " dogmatic sermons such as might liter- 
ally have been preached from Catholic pulpits. In the 
summer of the same year he went to the Highlands of 
Scotland, w^here he w^as thrown continually into the so- 
ciety of two High-Church clergymen. Following their ad- 
vice, he procured and studied carefully Sadler's Church 
Doctrine — a book which then and for some years after 
fully satisfied his mind as conclusive. He thus became, 
in the fullest sense of the word, a Ritualist, accepting a 
large measure of Catholic truth, but stopping short of 
" Roman " doctrines. 

In the autumn of 1881 he was again in B , his 

health having failed through over-study in the close air of 
London. He then for the first time, moved by some un- 



From the Highways of Life, 37 



defined impulse, went to see a Catholic priest, who 

was then in charge of the oratory at B . The 

conversation was long and interesting, though he was 
too earnest and confirmed a Ritualist to derive from 
it any immediate benefit. One remark of the Father's 
did, however, remain in his mind, and to it he at- 
tributes, in a great measure, his ultimate conversion. It 
was : '* With your knowledge of Catholic truth, you can- 
not possibly be saved unless you become a Catholic." In 
December, 1881, he went to Australia and Tasmania, be- 
ing absent ten months, and being employed as a " lay 
reader " in the Anglican communion. His duty was to 
conduct service and to preach in an outlying mission cha- 
pel. The preparation of his sermons led, as a matter of 
course, to the closer study of theology ; but having, un- 
fortunately, no better guide than Sadler, he only became 
confirmed in his erroneous opinions. The bias of his own 
mind led him, however, to hold doctrines the most ex- 
treme which could possibly be held while remaining an 
Anglican. The first and most important of these was, 
naturally, a firm, earnest belief in the Real Presence, and, 
in addition, a great devotion to the crucifix. On return- 
ing to England in October, 1882, he was sent, to complete 
his theological studies, to a High-Church college this time, 
in a Wiltshire country town. Here Sadler again formed 
the standard of dogmatic theology; but frequent, fasting 
communions, Compline every evening, Sext every Saturday, 
and the example of fellow-students made him, if possible, 
a more extreme RituaHst than ever. 

In April, 1884, his health again failing through over- 
study, he was sent to M , in Canada. The end, though 



38 From the Highways of Life. 

he did not know or even suspect it, was now drawing 
near, when all his wanderings in barren pastures were to 
end in the fold of the one true Church. So long as he 

remained in M- under the influence of a very earnest 

" extreme " Ritualist, with services after his own heart, he 
was perfectly satisfied with the claims of the Anglican 
communion to be ^ branch of the Catholic Church. When, 

however, circumstances took him to O , where the 

High Church was only " moderate," where disputes, bick- 
erings, and scandals vexed the church, he began to grow 
restless and dissatisfied, and to look longingly and wearily 
at the perfect unity and discipline of the *' Latin " Church. 
Human influences and the terrible strength of old associa- 
tion deterred him yet a while longer from taking the de- 
cisive step. At length, in the summer of 1885, he paid a 

long visit to a devout Catholic family living near M . 

Here he was surrounded by unseen Catholic influences, 
which drew him nearer and nearer to the truth. He re- 
mained none the less a consistent Anglican to the last, 
always attending the services of his own church, and never 
going to Mass or even joining in the family's prayers. A 
chance conversation with a French priest once more startled 
him with a fresh difficulty. Setting aside altogether the 

question of the validity of Anglican orders. Father D 

referred him to the universal consensus of the Fathers, 
" Ubi Petriis ibi ecclesia,'' adding, " Even if your Anglican 
orders are valid, you are none the less schismatics." 

The struggle was long, fierce, and bitter. On one side 
were peace, rest, and infallible truth ; on the other old as- 
sociation, the ties of family and friendship, traditional sen- 
timent, and human affection. But the end was very near 



From the Highways of Life. 39 

at last. Returning to M m September, he was 

desired by his Anglican *' director " to prepare for con- 
fession by a retreat of three days. Kneeling humbly 
before a crucifix, he began in all seriousness and de- 
votion to prepare for the solemn " sacramental confession," 
praying most earnestly to the Spirit of Truth to guide 
him "into all truth." All the old difficulties came back 
in greater force than ever, and, almost in despair, he 
sought an interview with a Jesuit. He too avoid- 
ing all discussion of the validity of Anglican orders, 
raised a fresh difficulty, the question of '* jurisdic- 
tion " — a question familiar to the inquirer after truth from 
the study of dogmatic theology. He referred the matter 
in all honesty to his director. The answer w^as that it 
was "too long a question to go into now," but, added 
he, " if a man begins to doubt his salvation in the 
Church of England, the sooner he leaves it the better " 
— good, sound advice surely, coming from a Ritualis- 
tic " priest " to an anxious, doubting penitent. Needless 
to say that the subject (and writer) of this paper followed 
it at once. He put himself under the Jesuit father's in- 
struction, and ten days later, September 28, 1885, had 
the unspeakable happiness of receiving the " one bap- 
tism " of the "one faith" of the "one Lord." 




OUT OF CALVINISM INTO TRUTH. 

OU ask me to write an account of my conver- 
sion, but, in truth, I think it is hardly worth 
telling. If there is anything peculiar about 
it, it ,is that what made me a Catholic w^as 
what first made me a Congiegationalist ; my joining 
the Catholic Church was but the compktion of that 
act. This happened when I was nineteen years old. I 
was born and brought up in a New England village, 
my parents being of exemplary lives ; but my father 
never joined church, and my mother did so only when 
I was about eleven years old. I saw her baptized 
in the orthodox church, and it was a great event to 
me, being the earliest of my strong religious impres- 
sions. Of course I considered myself as too young to 
become a Christian, but hoped that God w^ould spare me 
till I was old enough : there is no use for children in 
Calvinism. At the age of nineteen I professed religion 
and was baptized. The Bible was the cause of it. I 
read it from earliest childhood, and, after the ripening of 
my faculties, followed the rational process of discovering 
the truth, proving Christianity historically and then Scrip- 
turally, not the least argument, however, being the need I 
found of it to keep the natural law of God. The Pil- 
^rhns Progress had a powerful influence on me, which 
has ever remained — a book full of truth, of graphic nar- 
rative, proving the need of repentance for sin. 

I cannot remember that when 1 stood before the church 

40 



From the Highways of Life, 41 

committee for examination, to be admitted to membership, 
I had a single heresy. I beheved what Christ revealed, 
and I repented of my sins. This belief and repentance I 
affirmed and explained to the committee with the deepest 
sincerity, keeping" nothing back. I was accepted and 
deemed worthy of baptism and membership, and was ac- 
cordingly baptized. 

This was a truly marvellous awakening in my life ; 
the powerful graces then received, and the emotions 
aroused within m.e, were the chief cause of my becoming 
a Catholic afterwards. 

I had nothing of Congregationalism in particular, but 
only Christianity in general, yet orthodox, as we say of it 
in New England to distinguish it from Unitarianism : hold- 
ing the Trinity, the Incarnation, and Redemption as taught 
in Scripture. On the hot points of human depravity, pre- 
destination, and justification by faith alone, the church 
committee did not examine me much. I w^as sound and 
right on them, in the Catholic sense. As to eternal pun- 
ishment, I believed it as firmly as Bunyan, and the ne- 
cessity of escaping from it by faith and works. No re- 
vival meeting had anything to do with my joining; the 
human side of the work w^as all my ow^n. I felt perfect- 
ly satisfied, and was convinced I had the true Christian 
religion. And I do not think that I held explicitly to 
any error. My whole frame of mind was shaped by the 
Scripture. I remember that I believed firmly in baptismal 
regeneration, because the Lord said he that believeth and 
is baptized shall be saved. I did not know enough of 
the Catholic Church to form any belief about it. 

When, then, did my mind begin to stir on that ques- 



42 From the Highzvays of Life, 

tion ? In my last year at college, to which I went short- 
ly after ** becoming a Christian." Somewhere about Christ- 
mas a college mate, a member of the Baptist Church, 
called me aside and said : " I very much fear that I am 
not right in my religion, and that the Catholic Church is 
true." I replied : *' The matter is well worth investigat- 
ing." It flashed upon me that perhaps my friend's doubts 
were well founded. I began to study the big question 
that very evening. The very next morning I went to the 
miserable little Catholic book-store of the town, kept by 
a lame man, and bought a Catholic prayer-book. Key of 
Heaven, also The Mission- Book of St. Liguori, Challon- 
er's Catholic Christian Instructed, and the Little Cate- 
chism. This last was the first Catholic book I ever read. 
Challoner I read through and found of immense help. 
The Mission-Book helped me greatly ; I learned from it 
that the Catholic religion is primarily interior. I expected 
to find it mainly external. I found that for every ceremony 
or practice sanctioned by the Church there was a reason 
that was interior and intrinsic, and that the interior was the 
primary object of the exterior. Right after this I read the 
Pope and Maguire discussion, and found it useful. It was 
lent to me by a young Catholic friend at college, since 
then become a man of much distinction. 

Another impulse, and at about the same time, came 
from the history class. Our professor, a learned and dis- 
tinguished man, w^as also honest with us. In the course 
of my private study I came to know that in the fifth cen- 
tury the pope was universally recognized in Christendom 
as the successor of St. Peter; this was the teaching, too, 
of our professor. Then I asked myself. Can I suppose 



From the Highways of Life, 43 



an error on such a fundamental point believed by all 
Christians, universally ? That cannot be. All Christendom 
cannot err. They could not so err even humanly speak- 
ing; four hundred years after Christ men had means of 
knowing w^hat his Apostles taught as good as we have 
of knowing what the first Reformers taught. They were 
within hand's reach of the primitive Christians and still 
in the heroic age of the religion of Christ. 

What helped me all through that winter of study, ar- 
gument, and prayer (for I prayed to God for light con- 
tinually) was my Bible training. I had not been mis- 
taught by my use of Scripture. I had got no errors from 
the Bible, and it gave me no trouble in my investigations. 
I never was an infidel. Nor had I much difficulty on the 
score of human respect. My parents were ever kind, my 
prospects in life were entirely undefined. I knew I had 
to earn my own living, and I have always done it. My 
main thought in all religious matters w^as the one that 
took hold of me when I read Bunyan and joined the or- 
thodox church. / was determmed to save my soul. 

Yet I had a struggle ; my greatest difficulty was Papal 
InfalHbility. My early surroundings had kept the Papal 
question so entirely out of my way that the bearings of 
Scripture on it had not arrested my attention. It was 
just after the Vatican Council and the air was full of dis- 
cussion. Although the Catholic doctrine of Infallibility is 
as plainly in the New Testament as the Trinity is, yet I 
spent many hard hours of debate with myself and others 
over it. 

Just here it was that I came in contact first w^ith Cath- 
olics. I had played sometimes with a little Irish boy at 



44 From the Highways of Life, 

school, and had known a few Irish laborers in our town, 
and never had thought what their religion might be. Now 
I began to look around for Catholics, and found two of 
them, students in the college. One of them helped me 
somewhat, explaining to me the doctrine of the Sacra- 
ments intelligently. I never needed anything more to 
believe that doctilne than to have it explained. Mean- 
time the struggle about infallibility went on. Finally I 
called on the bishop of the diocese (I remember it was 
on Saturday) and asked him plumply: ** Can one become 
a CathoHc and not believe in infallibility ? " " No," he 
answered. ** Was the Vatican Council free ? " I asked, 
knowing that the bishop had attended it. " Yes, it was," 
he answered ; and yes he answered when I questioned 
him as to whether that subject had been freely and suf- 
ficiently discussed. This had a good effect on me. 

Then I carefully read a book against infallibility, Qui- 
rimis I think it was called — a book something like the 
famous Janus. I saw that the book was unfair and fal- 
lacious from beginning to end. I then visited a priest of 
the city to whom the bishop had referred me. During a 
course of several interviews we settled down to the study 
of the typical case of Pope Honorius, fully and elaborately 
going through the whole evidence, and at the end I was 
completely settled in favor of the doctrine of infallibility. 
An article in The Catholic World, by Rev. Augus- 
tine F. Hewit, on the apostasy of Dr. Dollinger, helped 
me very much. Rev. J. Kent Stone's Invitation Heeded 
fell into my hands, and by the time I got through with 
it I was as much a Catholic as I am to-day. 

I was received into the Church in rather a public man- 



From the Highways of Life. 45 

ner, the evening before I graduated, reciting the creed of 
Pius IV. with as Uttle misgiving as the Lord's Prayer, 
and have been in the same state of mind ever since. I 
had had no agonies of mind in my progress to the full 
truth, but much rational questioning of mind. Yet there 
is one book, The Aspirations of Nature y by Rev. I. T. 
Hecker, which, if I had had it, would have greatly smoothed 
my way. I had more than enough of Scripture proof; 
this book would have put Catholicity on a rational basis 
to start with. I was really a Catholic all my life and 
did not know it, being anchored in the Scriptures all 
through. 

It is always a curious question how much nature and 
grace have relatively to do with a conversion. In my case 
I am inclined to think that a special grace w^as given me, 
because I remember, before going to college, attending a 
lecture on the Church by an intelligent priest, which sim- 
ply had no manner of effect whatever in inducing me to 
examine Catholic claims. 

Not to have become a Catholic when I did would have 
been apostasy from my vows of baptism as a Congrega- 
tionalist, and from the principles I learned in Bunyan; a 
particularly wilful apostasy from my allegiance to Holy 
Scriptures, and a most grievous sin. If I had not then be- 
come a Catholic, I am persuaded I should thereby have 
done something to shut the door of heaven against me 
for ever. 

My great difficulties were really moral ones. In the 
course of my search I soon perceived that Catholicity is 
a hard religion, and I was distressed with the dread that 
I should not have the courage to live up to my conscience. 



46 From the Highways of Life, 

How can I persevere, I thought, in that high moral Ufe 
which this faith demands ? I conquered this difficulty (I 
say it in no boastful spirit), as St. Augustine did, by 
prayer. 

I found my first confession very difficult and every con- 
fession since has been difficult to me, but always benefi- 
cial. Whose experience has not been similar, from St. 
Augustine, yes, from Magdalen, to this day } The hard- 
ness of the Catholic religion was a dominant impression in 
my mind ; I was convinced that I had got as hard a re- 
ligion in my day as Anthony of the Desert had in his. I 
also found a difficulty in accepting fellowship in a society 
ruled by Irish bishops and priests, as St. Augustine did in 
St. Ambrose and the bishops and priests of his day, and 
a fair share of the same consolations. I have got along 
famously, but, being a Yankee, in a rather dry way. 





MY TWO CONVERSIONS. 

T is a simple story, perhaps not worth writ- 
ing, but how I would wish to make its 
recital an act of thanksgiving to the good 
God ! I was brought up in a family where 
religion was thought but little of. My mother had at 
one time professed the Episcopal faith, but for many years 
had neglected it and had relapsed into that most deplor- 
able condition of soul — indifferentism. When but a tiny 
little girl I remember lisping the Hail Maiy at my 
nurse's knee, for our servants were Catholics. All honor 
be to Catholic servants ! God only knows how many con- 
versions are wrought through the memory of the prayers 
they taught their little charges, and the effect of their ex- 
ample and influence. 

My mother, feeling that I needed some religious train- 
ing, sent me to a Lutheran Sunday-school not far from 
our home. But many a time I would secretly attend Mass 
with my Catholic nurse, instead of obeying the maternal 
directions. I was a delicate child and ill-health prevented 
me from attending school regularly. When it was possi- 
ble I would leave the house unobserved and visit our Lord 
in the tabernacle. I was then scarcely eight years old. 
Gradually one desire began to possess me : to become a 
Catholic. The desire grew daily, it absorbed my thoughts. 
I become a Catholic ! But how ? I once timidly attempted 
to broach the subject to my mother, but was frightened 
by her almost violent opposition. I never endeavored to 

47 



48 From the Highways of Life. 

pursue the subject farther. For months I waited, and 
meantime I fairly haunted the CathoHc church. I did not 
have courage to speak to one of the priests. At last our 
Lord showed me a way to come to him. Leaving the 
chapel one day, a sweet-faced lady approached me and 
smilingly asked me if I would say a prayer for her inten- 
tion. Here at la^t was an opportunity to speak to a Catho- 
lic who, perhaps, might aid me. " Oh, yes ! " I answered, 
"but I'm not a Catholic ! " " No ? " '* Oh ! could you please 
tell me where I could get a rosary ? I have saved all my 
pennies. I have a prayer-book, but I want a rosary so 
much." She took me around the corner and showed me a 
convent, and promised if I would come there the following 
day she would leave a rosary for me with the portress. 
To-rnorrow was long in coming. I felt that I was draw- 
ing nearer to God as I stood upon the steps that led to 
the convent door. I procured the rosary, chatted with the 
portress, told her of my great desire to become a Catholic, 
and was most cordially invited to call again ; an invitation 
I gladly availed myself of. Oh ! the many excuses I made 
to leave our house. The fondness I suddenly developed 
for playing with all the children I knew in the neighbor- 
hood ! Anything to get to the convent, where I knew I 
would receive aid. The nuns were kind, very kind. It 
was remarkable, they said, to see a child so persistent in 
her endeavors to become a Catholic. I again met the 
kind lady who gave me the rosary. She and her friends 
became much interested in me. 

I insisted on being baptized. Of course they objected. 
They did not feel as though they could do so without my 
mother's consent. And it would be useless to endeavor to 



From the Highways of Life, 49 

procure that. I did not know if I had ever been baptized. 
If they did not have me baptized, I said I would go some 
place else. I was determined ; baptized I must be. Fin- 
ally, after many entreaties on my part, and much earnest 
thought on the part of my friends, I was made a child of 
God ; the lady who gave me the rosary acting as sponsor. 
I was but nine years and six months old. My friend's 
kindness did not end here ; I must make my First Com- 
munion. After being duly prepared, a day was named. I 
stole from our home before five o'clock one morning, car- 
rying under my arm a white Swiss dress that was to serve 
as the dress of the first-communicant. I found my friends 
awaiting me. White shoes, veil, gloves, etc., articles that 
I could not easily procure myself, were furnished by them. 
A prie-dieu was placed in the centre of the convent chapel, 
the father w^ho baptized me said Mass, and I received my 
First Communion, the Bread of Angels. Returning home, 
I met my mother at the front door ; she fancied I had 
been to the Catholic church, and w^as extremely annoyed. 
Unfortunately there dropped from my dress, where I had 
concealed them, a prayer-book and catechism. I received 
a sound scolding for what she supposed my misdeeds, but 
she never suspected how much I had accomplished to- 
wards my eternal salvation. 

All went well for over a year. I went to school and fol- 
lowed my rehgion faithfully. But after a while I became 
careless, and lived in continual fear of my mother dis- 
covering what I had done. And discover it she finally did. 
Returning from school one day, I found her awaiting me 
with the question, if it was true that I had been baptized 
in the Catholic faith ? Tremblingly I confessed it. She 



50 From the Highways of Life, 

seemed to consider it a crime, and laid the blame on the 
innocent shoulders of our Catholic help, who, fortunately 
for them, were no longer with us. I was sent miles away 
to my aunt's home, where I was carefully watched over. 
When I returned home I resumed my studies. I had for- 
gotten the practice of my religion, or at least lost all de- 
sire to do so. 

After leaving school, and growing weary of the monoto- 
nous home-life, I resolved to go upon the stage, and I be- 
came an actress. I travelled, of course, almost incessantly. 
Being seldom at home, and having but few friends with 
me, I was often very lonely. How deeply I regret to say 
that the Catholic faith had faded, seemingly, quite out of 
my soul ! Yet I longed intensely for something higher, 
holier than the world gave me. I began by going to church 
on Sunday — to Protestant churches, of course. At that time 
it did not make any difference. '* One religion is as good 
as another " had become a maxim with me. Even when 
it happened that I was travelling with Catholics, I never 
went to their church. Many weeks passed thus. At 
last God gave me the grace to hear his voice more 
clearly. 

It was in St. Louis, Mo. Very near the hotel I was 
stopping at is an old Catholic Cathedral, corner of Third 
and Walnut Streets, I believe. I went there, God alone 
knows why, but the church was empty; there were no 
services that afternoon. But the Blessed Sacrament was 
there; something forced me to kneel when I passed be- 
fore it. Then I remembered the time when I knew 
more of this religion. Mass, Confession, Communion rose 
confusedly before my eyes. Our Lord was speaking to 



\ 

From the Highways of Life, 5 1 

my heart, but that heart was still too worldly to listen. 
But take one step towards God and he hurries forward 
with outstretched arms to meet you. A week after that, 
my first visit to the Blessed Sacrament in many years, 
my Catholic friend with whom I was travelling began to 
speak of religion. Once, several months before, she had 
asked me to what church I belonged. I had answered 
Episcopal. She laughingly told me that it was a tradi- 
tion of the Church that if one said a thousand " Ave 
Marias " from Spy Wednesday until Good Friday our 
Blessed Lady would obtain by her intercession any rea- 
sonable request we might demand of her. I mentally 
resolved to say the " Aves." But a difficulty arose. I did 
not have a rosary. But I could purchase one. The 
following week we were in St. Paul, Minn. There I 
purchased my rosary. Then the thought came, it must 
be blessed. I wandered through the streets hoping to 
find a Catholic church. I did not have the courage to 
inquire for one. I passed a church, in front of which 
was a large sign bearing the words, ** Prayer-meeting 
during Lent every day at one o'clock." I entered ; it was 
the church of a Methodist congregation, and many were 
present. The almost fanatical fervor of the people 
startled me. After the meeting closed, seeing that I was 
a stranger, they clustered around, asking my name and 
cordially shaking hands with me. At last I met the 
pastor and had a long talk with him. The substance of 
it was that he advised me to read the New Testament 
and give myself up to Christ. Accordingly I read part 
of the New Testament. I felt miserably. I desired 
something. I wished to do something. I did not know 



52 From the HigJnvays of Life, 

what. God's Holy Spirit was calling me ; I did not 
know how to respond. 

Travelling a great deal, I had but little time to spare. 
But finally I found myself again before the Blessed Sac- 
rament. I began to read prayer-books left in the pews, 
and to make the Way of the Cross. At last I found 
strength to answer God's voice. I would return to the 
Church. I was a Catholic. I could return through the 
sacrament of Penance. I began to prepare. And at 
last, on the eve of Passion Sunday, kneeling before the 
vicar-general of a large Western diocese, I received the 
grace of forgiveness and the precious absolution of my 
sins. Many kind words were said to me ; Thomas a 
Kempis and a Challoner's catechism were given to me. 

Then the struggle began in earnest. I feared I had 
taken too hasty a step. There were so many things I 
could not understand. But wherever I went I met kind 
priests ; one in Ohio, whom I particularly thank for the 
many hours of instruction and for the valuable books he 
so kindly gave me. Little by little the mists cleared 
away, and there was light — the wonderful light of God's 
truth. When I again saw the dear friends who had 
done so much to aid my conversion when I was a child 
they told me how they had prayed for me. Though I 
had wandered their prayers had followed me. May the 
Sacred Heart reward them for all their kindness ! May 
the good God bless the dear fathers who have for their 
motto " Omnia ad majorem Dei gloriam," who first 
brought me into the bosom of Holy Mother Church, and 
who taught me when a child to know the Saviour, who 
saith " Suffer little children to come unto me ! " 




FOUND IN A NEWSPAPER. 

FEW years ago there cime to a house in 
Texas a parcel wrapped in a newspaper. 
The son of the house took up this wrap- 
per in an idle moment and found it to be 
a Catholic weekly. 

All that he had heard of Catholics led him to believe 
them to be a ** hard lot." Perhaps he had an ill-defined 
notion that priests and nuns are not without horns. He 
had read when younger a story of what purported to be 
Mexican life, in which story much mention was made of 
the ** adoration of the Virgin." He connected, in a way, 
the Virgin of the story with Mary, the Mother of Jesus. 
The goddess, as he called her, of the book interested him 
deeply. He wondered much about her, and w^ould have 
been glad to learn something more of her, instinctively 
knowing that it would be useless to ask for information 
from his kinsfolk or his friends. 

All remembrance of the *' goddess " had not left him 
when he took up this Catholic newspaper to read. The 
first article to m.eet his eye was entitled ** What Catholic 
Devotion to Mary is." He read and reread the article, 
and for the first time understood something of what is 
meant by the Incarnation of God the Son. And, he says, 
the thought came to him in the words of Elizabeth, for 
he is a diligent reader of the Scripture, '* W^hy is it that 
the Mother of my Lord should come unto me ? " From 
babyhood he had heard much of a saving faith in Jesus, 

53 



54 Fro7n the Highways of Life. 

Little by little, not all at once, it dawned on him that he 
did not in the least know in what this saving faith con- 
sisted* He blamed himself for his want of knowledge, 
and with lowliness of heart went to his minister to be 
instructed. 

It would be impossible to put in words his amazement 
when he discovered that the minister was as knowledge- 
less as himself — more so, for he was enlightened some- 
what by the article on devotion to Mary. He was told 
to believe, and when he asked, " Believe what ? " he was 
told to have faith. " Faith in what ? " he repeated, and 
there was reproach in the tone of the voice that said, 
" Are you not a behever ? " It was a circle ; and he 
might have likened it to the buggy-wheels he saw from 
the minister's window spinning along over the parched 
road, scattering dust that choked and blinded. One text 
of Scripture was now constantly in his mind : " Lord, I 
believe ; help thou mine unbelief." 

The theme of the newspaper article spoken of was 
that of the Incarnation. The word was not a new one 
to him. The Theosophic " craze " had mildly attacked 
his native town. Much, at that time, had been spoken in 
his presence of the incarnation of Buddha, and he heard 
many inquiries as to what is Buddhism. He never heard 
any one condemned for seeking an acquaintance with this 
religion, and he heard many regrets that the works of 
the disciples of Buddha w^ere not more easy of access. 
** For," these seekers into untruth said, " wx would get 
just what they believe from the works of Buddhists." 

Of the Incarnation of God the Son he knew nothing, 
neither had he ever heard it spoken of. It is true that 



From the Highways of Life, 5 5 

Christmas day was kept in the Sunday-school and at 
home. No one, however, associated the day with the 
Word made Flesh. At the Sunday-school there was a 
Christmas-tree, and the superintendent, disguised as Santa 
Claus, distributed gifts to the children. Never a word 
was said of the Child, cradled in a manger, w^ho gave 
that day a name and a reason for being. He sought 
hopelessly to find out what in reality the doctrine of the 
Incarnation is. There w^as reason for his hopelessness. 
All he learned from his anxious inquiry was that Jesus 
Christ as man was not at all God, though the Second 
Person of the Blessed Trinity is. It w^as then he heard 
of the Unitarians, and he thought them more logical 
than were his acquaintances. 

The soiled newspaper he held on to. It was precious 
to him. Not that he had any thought of becoming a 
Catholic, but he w^as grateful to it for having roused in 
him a desire to know better that Jesus in whom he had 
been told so often to believe, and who he felt he must 
believe was God. One day he asked a friend did Catho- 
lics believe in Jesus. He was told they did, but that 
they adored Mary. The article on devotion to Mary was 
very far from countenancing any adoration of her. 
Remembering this, he denied that CathoHcs adored Mary. 
"But they call her Mother of God," this one said tri- 
umphantly. 

It puzzled him greatly. He could not understand. If 
Jesus was God, and Mary his mother, why was it wrong 
to call her so? You see, he believed in the God-man; 
the one to whom he spoke did not. He went back to 
his newspaper. In the article that interested him was a 



56 From the HigJizvays of Life, 

petition, ** Mary, pray for me." A thought came over 
him to pronounce these words aloud. How would they 
sound ? He said them with awe and cold shuddering. 
In his ignorance he felt as though he had pronounced an 
incantation. Not for long this. After a little while he 
added the petition to his daily prayers. 

It was now th^t he became curious to know some- 
thing of Catholic belief. He received no encouragement 
in the search after knowledge that he undertook. He 
was advised not to tamper with anything Catholic. The 
words Papist and Romanist were seldom used in his 
town. Catholic was considered sufficiently contemptu- 
ous. Indeed, to call one of his townsmen a Catholic 
would have been as great an insult as you could offer 
him. When he persisted he was offered works on the 
Church by the Church's enemies. He said he would pre- 
fer to have some books by Catholic authors. It was 
sweetly innocent in the youth to believe that such books 
would be given him. No, he was told, that would never 
do. He would find nothing but lies in such books. 
Catholics never told the truth about themselves. He 
thought of the w^orks of the disciples of Buddha. But he 
said nothing. There was an advertisement of a spare 
number of Catholic books in his newspaper. For these 
books he sent. 

Many days had to pass before these books could come 
to him, and he spent them, advised to do so, in search- 
ing the Scripture. He had been used to read his Bible 
daily, having a superstitious notion that every such read- 
ing must necessarily advance him a step nearer heaven. 
Now he read to learn. The wonderful first chapter of 



From the Highways of Life, 57 

St. Luke's Gospel spoke to him as it had never spoken 
before. He had read of the God Incarnate having 
founded a church, but, Uke most of his *' persuasion," 
attached Httle or no meaning to what he read. It be- 
came clear to him now that not only had a Church been 
founded, but that that Church was to endure for all time. 
Not for a moment did he believe that this Church was 
one of the w^arring sects about him. Neither did it yet 
come to him that the Church of the Scripture was one 
and the same with the Catholic Church. 

His reading prepared him for The Faith of otcr 
Fathers, the first of the books sent for that he read. 
This book to him was a revelation, and a perfect one. 
It now became nigh impossible for him to restrain his 
indignation w^hen he heard the Church behed. Yet much 
restraint on his part w^as necessary. He wished to be 
further instructed in the one living faith. Had he let it 
be known whither he was tending, obstacles that for him 
would have been insurmountable would be laid in the 
way of his getting knowledge. Secrecy was a thing 
altogether hateful to him, and he suffered as an early 
Christian suffered, forced to mole in the ground, to keep 
hidden within him th^ precious faith confided to his care 
till such time as he should be called on openly to con- 
fess it. His time had not yet come. Come it would, he 
knew, and he must patiently bide its coming. 

Guided by further advertisements found on the fly- 
leaves of his books, he procured other Catholic works. 
These last were as carefully read as had been the first. 
His diligence was admirable. He was very anxious to 
meet a priest. No priest dwelt in his town ; as far as he 



58 From the Highways of Life, 



knew, no priest had ever put foot in it. The nearest one 
to where he Hved was some forty miles away. Greatly 
to his joy, something happened which caused him to 
visit the town where this priest dwelt. He had discov- 
ered that of the idolatries and foolishnesses attributed to 
Catholics not one was believed in or practised by them. 
With other false ideas went the revolting picture that 
had been limned for him of a Catholic priest. His imag- 
ination drew for him another picture, of a falseness also. 
He expected to meet with an angelic being. What he 
found was a little old gentleman busily reading a black 
bound book, clad in a long black garment which he won- 
dered at, never having seen the like before. A whim- 
sical thought struck him that at any rate it was not the 
notorious scarlet robe. 

Father A , without pausing in his reading, motioned 

him to a chair. He sat down, a repulsed feeling over- 
coming him. This feeling of repulsion was quickly 
succeeded by a complacent thought that when the priest 
knew what he came for there would be an opening of 
arms. And he made to himself a pleasant enough 
picture of his being welcomed as was the prodigal son. 
The picture was not very clear as to the killing of the 
fatted calf, for he could not readily conceive in what the 

calf in this instance was to consist. At last Father A 

laid down his breviary and listened to him state his case. 
When he had ended the priest leisurely wiped his spec- 
tacles and replaced them on his nose. Then he spoke 
seriously and with deep reverence of God's great good- 
ness in putting into this youth's heart a desire to know 
the Truth ; of the immense favor it is to be one of 



From the Highivays of Life, 59 

Christ's fold ; advised prayer and reading Catholic books ; 
regretted that the youth lived at such a distance from a 
Catholic church. Having said all this, the priest gave 
him his blessing and bade him good morning. He left 
the priest a wiser if not yet a happier youth. He had 
learned the lesson that all converts have to learn — that 
they can give nothing to God's Church, but that they 
have everything to get from that Church. 

Very different w^as this interview from what he 

remembered of X , who left the Primitive Methodists 

to become a " Hard-Shell Baptist." There had been tea- 

drinkings for X , and a reception ; and he was called 

Brother X , and everybody seemed to think that a 

great event had taken place when X became a 

"H. S. B." He desired no tea-drinkings nor any of the 

other good things that had come to X , but, more 

than he had any idea of*, he had looked for a warm 
reception because his father was what the newspapers 
call a " prominent citizen." His cheeks glowed with 
shame because of his impertinent self-esteem, and he 
saw his little personality dwindling into utter insignifi- 
cance before that tremendous, everlasting fact, God's 
Holy Catholic Church. 

There had been much of alloy in the preciousness of 
the humility with w^hich he had searched into the mys- 
teries of the faith. It was a truer humility that guided 
the search he continued, that governed his successful at- 
tempt at instructing himself for the step he was deter- 
mined on more than ever, of becoming a Catholic. He 
was now in his nineteenth year, and his father deter- 
mined to send him to college. The youth, with what was, 



6o From the Highways of Life, 

perhaps, incipient ** Jesuitical craftiness," asked that he be 
allowed to choose the colleg-e to which he should be 
sent. His father gave his consent to this, not promising 
lightly or because he w^as a careless father, but be- 
cause he had confidence in his son's judgment. In 
the newspaper which he so highly prized and so care- 
fully preserved the' youth found the advertisement of a 
Catholic college in an adjoining State. With many mis- 
givings he told his father of his wish to go to the Catho- 
lic college. To his astonishment, his father not only con- 
sented but actually commended him for his wise choice. 
** The professors at this college," he said, ** are good 
teachers, and," he added tersely, ** they'll keep you clean." 
In a few weeks, to his not unmingled happiness, he found 
himself in a college where all were Catholics ; that college 
in a town where every man, woman, and child was of 
the one fold. His happiness was only incomplete because 
he was not as those about him were, but he consoled 
himself with the thought that in a few days he would 
not be the only one there without a wedding-garment. 

What was his dismay when, on speaking to a priest 
of the college about his wish to be baptized, he received 
a decided repulse partaking somewhat of the nature of a 
rebuff. He was told that, although sufficiently instructed 
to be baptized, he had not his father's consent. He was 
not of age, and before anything could be done that con- 
sent must be obtained. He went to the president of the 
college, only to meet with a like repulse. He was told 
to write for his father's consent, though such writing, it 
was added, would probably bring a summons for him to 
return home. 



From the Highways of Life, 6 1 

He was miserably unhappy. He almost long-ed that 
there might be some truth in those vast mendacities, per- 
petrated on silly, credulous folk, of inquisitorial assem- 
blies that forced one, whether or no, into the Catholic 
Church. In the absence of such convenient congregations 
he saw nothing for him to do but to write to his father. 
This he did. The answer to his petition was a refusal 
dowmright ; a letter to make him sad, for he saw that 
his father was sad. Other letters were written on both 
sides, letters that seemed to have but one result — to make 
him all but hopeless. 

He suffered much. He was tortured w^ith envy of 
others for the blessings they had, though some of them 
held their treasures lightly — blessings in which he could 
have no part. It was bitter anguish for him to remain 
away, shut out from the Holy Communion his compan- 
ions could so freely receive. At last a day came, in an- 
swer to many prayers, that brought a letter containing 
his father's consent. 

Happy was he in his baptism, and happy is he in the 
possession that has been given him ; happy in being an 
instrument of good to others. In that house where he 
had had uncanny notions of priests, in that house where 
the first glimpse of God's great Light of Faith met his 
spiritual gaze, in that house — the town lacking a church 
— God's priests have entered, and there have offered more 
than once the unceasing sacrifice. Holy Mass. 

It may be objected by some one who may read this 
true narration that the ignorance of those outside the 
Church concerning the mystery of the Incarnation of the 
Son of God has been exaggerated. That it has not will 



62 



From the Highways of Life, 



be sufficiently proved if such a one would put the ques- 
tion, " What is the Incarnation ? " to almost any non- 
Catholic ; or, if this one be not a Catholic, let him put 
the question to himself. He will find that he is virtually 
a Nestorian. The writer of this, while yet himself a Pro- 
testant, heard on two different occasions preached from 
a non-Catholic pulpit the doctrine that Christ could sin, 
and a portion, at least, of the two congregations found 
this a consoling doctrine — " it makes Christ so much more 
like us." This is blasphemy, but not the writer's. 

It is as true to-day as it was in the days of the Coun- 
cil of Ephesus that he who denies the Mother denies the 
God-Man. 





THE PRAYERS OF THE POOR. 

MUST preface my remarks by saying that, 

as most of those who are described herein 

are still living, fictitious names of persons 

and places will be substituted for the real 

ones ; with this exception every word is true. 

We were a happy little party of young men and boys 
who used to meet on Friday evenings at No. 69 Prince 

Street, in the city of A -. At No. 69 was the boarding 

and day school of the' Ritualistic parish of (I shall say) 
St. Alban's. The head-master, whom I shall call Mr. 
Mountain, was a layman who wished to found an order 
of teaching-brothers like those in the Catholic Church. 
He met with little or no encouragement, however, and it 
is just as well that he did not, because otherwise he 
might never have had the time to consider, as he has 
since done, his duty of submitting to the Church of Christ. 
The boys of the school were about twenty, all told. 
A number were English-born like Mr. Mountain, and 
several of them were his wards. Two or three clergymen 
besides myself — I was an Episcopal minister — were always 
considered as belonging to the little coterie who gathered 
there once a week to eat apple-dumplings, play games, 
and enjoy an hour or two of interesting conversation. 
Our chat was often about the Catholic Church and her 
claims, and I am sure that at that time each one of us 
was in the best of faith in holding our errors, and had 
the truth been presented then very likely would have 

63 



64 From the Highways of Life, 

been too much blinded to have recognized it. It is of 
the conversions which have follow^ed among us since that 
time that I propose to write. 

My own was the first. Owing to certain difficulties it 
was decided to close the school, and Mr. Mountain and his 
w^ards, with a number of other boys, went to the West 
and began ranch-iife. I was thus deprived of their con- 
genial and pleasant companionship and thrown on myself 
far more than I had been before, and, owing to the 
prayers and Masses which were being constantly said for 
me, I received the great grace to become a Catholic 
about six months after our school was closed. I say 
nothing of the details of my ow^n conversion, as it was 
the ordinary dreary road through Ritualism. 

There was a poor Irishwoman who used to come to 
the school every week to scrub, and I have since learned 
that she, seeing our feeble efforts to be Catholics, devot- 
ed herself to praying for our conversion. There were 
many others of the same class — the poor, servants, labor- 
ing men, and others who were acquainted with us ; these 
faithful children of God, of whom such a multitude are 
members of the Catholic Church, w^ere greatly interested 
in our struggles toward the light, and offered up many 
prayers for us. The poor old scrub-woman is since dead, 
but in the words of one who knew her, ** No doubt she 
is rejoicing in heaven with the angels of God at the con- 
version of those for whom she prayed so much on earth." 

A few weeks after I had been received into the Cath- 
olic Church I had the happiness of visiting the Thres- 
hold of the Apostles, in company with one of the young 
men from the school. He was the second convert. He 



From the Highways of Life, 65 

received the grace in this way : One evening we were 
discussing rehgion, and I remember that he was very 
bitter against the Pope and InfalHbility. " How," said he, 
" can a man of himself teach me all truth ? " 

** He cannot," I replied, '* but in this case the Holy 
Father is promised the assistance of the Holy Spirit, and 
speaks not of himself, but of the Spirit of God, who 
speaks by him." 

** I don't believe it," he answered, " and it is because 
he has claimed such a blasphemous power that God has 
punished the Bishop of Rome by allowing the Italians to 
possess the city." 

Seeing that there was no use of any further words on 
the subject, I said : '* Very well, let us end our discussion 
right here. I believe, and you do not. You are going 
to see him whom you have abused to-night in his own 
city, a captive in his palace. I hope you will not have 
so bad an opinion of him when you return after to-mor- 
row's ceremony." 

The next morning, after rising early and donning the 
customary dress-suit required, my friend went away shortly 
after breakfast. I heard Mass as usual and prayed to the 
blessed Mother of God for the conversion of him who 
was so bitter against the Church. It was the anniversary 
of the coronation of the Holy Father, celebrated in the 
Sistine Chapel in the Vatican. 

At lunch those of our boarders who had been at the 
function were enthusiastic in their admiration. All were 
agreed that they had been wonderfully impressed. "But 
what was the cause of this great impression ? What 
made it all so grand .^ " 



66 From the Highways of Life, 

** Oh ! it was the peacock fans," cried one. ** No, it 
was the w^ay in w^hich the Pope was carried in his chair," 
said another. ** I think the music had more to do with 
it than anything else," remarked a third. And a fourth 
was of the opinion "that it must be the way they dress 
the Pope with the tiara and vestments." 

It w^as quite am'using, and at the same time not a 
little disgusting, to listen to these absurd reasons for the 
great impression w^hich had been produced on these 
sightseers. But happening to look at the face of my 
young friend, I saw that he shared my feelings in no 
small degree. I was surprised. 

We had agreed to go and visit the catacomb of St. 
Domatilla in the afternoon. So we provided a good sup- 
ply of candles and, taking a carriage, started off. " Well, 
what impressed you the most this morning ? " I asked, 
imitating the flippant tone of those people who had been 
discussing the subject. *' Please don't ! " he answered. 
"I believe that Leo XIII. is the Vicar of Christ." He 
then went on to tell me that after the Mass, when the 
Pope was being carried out, the procession stopped for a 
moment, and that the Holy Father, being close to him 
as he knelt, had looked down into his face and blessed 
him. "Yes, he blessed me; he looked into my eyes and 
blessed me/*' 

Oh ! how proud he was of that blessing. A few 
months after, having been duly instructed, he was received. 
This was convert number two from our circle of school 
friends. Number three was destined to be the head- 
master himself, Mr. Mountain. 

About six months before I became a Catholic, as al- 



From the Highways of Life, 67 

ready related, the school was closed, and Mr. Mountain 
and several of the older boys moved to one of the States 
in the far West to engage in ranching. There, after 
about three years, Mr. Mountain at last made up his 
mind to do as we had done, and late in the fall of the 
year he rode on horseback over eighty miles to be re- 
ceived. When he arrived the priest of the station had 
gone, leaving word that he was to be away for a month, 
and the poor man journeyed back again to wait till the 
winter was over. Then he went to the capital of the 
State, and there made the act which he had been wait- 
ing so long to make. A few years ago he departed this 
life far away in the wilderness, unattended save by strangers 
and with no priest to give him the last Sacraments. 
Pray for him ! 

Among the number who used to meet at *' 69 " was a 
young man of twenty, who went West about a year after 
Mr. Mountain and lived a short distance from him, and 
whom I will call Harry. Meantime, the friend of my travels 
in Europe joined Mr. Mountain at his ranch. Harry was 
one of the liveliest and best-natured of all the boys, full 
of life, wit, and at the same time possessing the rare 
quality in persons of his temperament of not giving of- 
fence by his antics. The same fall he was stricken down 
with fever, and it came to the time when he was called 
to leave this earth. My friend of the Roman experience 
was by, and to him Harry said : " I want to be a Catho- 
lic, as you are ; I want to become a Roman Catholic 
now that I am dying." And so the waters of baptism 
flowed over his soul, and he went to join the band of 
intercessors in heaven. He is number four. 



68 From the Highways of Life, 

The fifth one was the "Httle boy" of the school, and 
one who was considered almost too frail for this world. 
But years work wonders with children, both in body and 
soul. He lived with Mr. Mountain, and now rides his 
horse with the best of them and does his day's work 
with the stoutest. But, better still, he has written me 
that he could not rest until he had come to us. And 
so at last he, as the crown of a long and tedious jour- 
ney, received baptism. 

These two — my Roman convert and " the little boy " — 
are now scattered, and although miles from any priest 
and without the opportunity of frequenting the Sacra- 
ments, yet they are faithfully trying to sanctify themselves. 

Our prayers have reached around the world, and we 
have no doubt but that they had their part in obtaining 
the conversion of one who, though not of our little band, 
yet was indirectly connected with us, and whose conver- 
sion has set the tongues of many of his sect to wagging. 

So I have tried to show how Almighty God answers 
prayer. Our humble Catholic friends begged our con- 
version of God and we were converted. We have perse- 
vered, not only in the faith but in praying for the con- 
version of the other members of our little circle, and we 
have won glorious victories. The work is not yet done ; 
it still goes on, and I hope some day to be able to chroni- 
cle the conversion of all of our school and many of the 
friends and relations of the boys. 

And now, Deo gratias ! I beg the prayers of all who 
may read this sketch for those of our friends of **69" 
who are yet in darkness, that their good fortune may be 
to soon come to the light of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 




CONVERSION OF A JEWISH FAMILY. 

R. C was a Jewish gentleman of excellent 

education and estimable character, a lawyer 
of high repute in one of our principal towns. 
He was married to a Protestant lady, and a 
little family had begun to bless their household, when a 
young infant daughter was suddenly seized with a mortal 
illness. A Catholic young man who was studying law 

with Mr. C proposed to the alarmed parents that 

they should ask a Catholic priest to baptize the child, 
holding out to them the hope that, if this were done, the 
child would recover. 

Neither one of them was a strict adherent to the 
forms of religion which they nominally professed, and 
both immediately assented to the young student's 
proposal, glad to do anything which might be the 
means of rescuing their beloved infant from immi- 
nent death. The father went in haste to the house of a 
priest and begged him to come at once to baptize his 
child, promising him that if it lived it should be carefully 
brought up in the Catholic religion. The child was bap- 
tized; God had regard to the simple faith of the young 
man who had promised its recovery, and to the parental 
affection of the father and mother, to which God seems 
to have added an incipient faith, and the infant was 
restored to health. It lived a year, as if to show that a 
reprieve from death had been granted solely for the pur- 
pose of convincing the parents of the supernatural effect 

69 



yo From the Highways of Life. 

of the Sacrament. At the end of the year it again sud- 
denly sickened and died. The father took from its neck 
a ribbon with a Httle medal attached, and always devoutly 
wore it as a sacred souvenir of the little child of God 
who had been so wonderfully made a Christian and 
taken home to the t^osom of the Father in heaven. Mrs. 

C was received into the Church, and all her other 

children were baptized. 

From this time Mr. C appeared to be in con- 
viction and in heart a Catholic. He was always 
solicitous that his family should practise faithfully 
the duties of their religion. During his wife's ab- 
sence on a visit he had a little oratory fitted up and 
tastefully decorated for the private devotions of the pious 
mother and her, children. He often knelt there himself 
before the shrine of our Lady and recited her Litany. 
Regard for his aged Jewish parents and for the other 
members of his family was the reason which he always 
gave for declining to be baptized and to formally profess 
his faith in Christ. Practically he was a Catholic cate- 
chumen all the rest of his life. 

It is thirty-five years since the writer of this nar- 
rative heard it from the persons concerned, and he has 

lately learned that before his death Mr. C received 

all the Sacraments of the Church. 




I 




A DESCENDANT OF THE PILGRIM FATHERS. 

HE Story of my conversion ! Why it was so 
simple it would not be worth telling. 

This was my reply when the suggestion 
was made to me ; but I was still asked to 
consider it, and, thinking, it came to me that it might 
be an act of gratitude for so great a grace, and so I 
began to write. 

In my youth I was far enough away from the Catholic 
Church. *' A daughter of the Puritans " — for my ances- 
tors crossed in the Mayflower — I only knew of the 
Church to feel a supreme pity for her children as ignor- 
ant, idolatrous, and superstitious. How I had acquired 
these ideas I cannot tell, for neither by my parents nor 
teachers had such things been directly said, but I sup- 
pose the whole atmosphere of my surroundings led to it, 
and especially the books I read. 

When I was about fifteen the good providence of 
God threw me into the society of a Catholic. She was a 
lady of great intelligence, refined, enthusiastic, and 
warm-hearted — indeed, one who could not fail to win 
both respect and love. I had known her for two or 
three months when my mother said to me one evening : 

*' I have just heard that Miss H is a Catholic, and I 

do not think well of your being so much with her." 

** A Catholic ! " I replied ; ** why, that is impossible. 
She could not be a Catholic and I not know it in all 
this time." 

71 



T2 From the Highways of Life, 

I thought it over, and made up my mind to inquire 
about it. The next day I asked a mutual acquaintance, 
and, to my surprise, heard that it was really so. 

One, then, could be intelligent and be a Catholic ! 
This was a new thought to me, and I made up my 
mind to watch her every word and act, and see what a 
Catholic really was. 

I saw her now very often, and after a little while led 
up the conversation to her faith. Now, I thought, I 
shall see something of the superstition and idolatry of 
Catholics. ** I wonder," I said, "that in these days one 
like you can give up her reason and intelligence to the 
guidance of priests." 

" What if I give myself to the guidance of a divine 
and infallible authority ? " she answered. 

" Oh ! that is another thing. If there were a divine 
and mfallible authority it would be wisdom indeed to be 
guided by it." 

" Do you believe the words of our Lord when he 
speaks of establishing His Church ? " 

** Yes," I said ; " at least I have read them a hun- 
dred times and know them by heart." For if there was 
anything I felt sure of, it was my knowledge of the 
Holy Scriptures ; from my earliest youth I had been to 
Sunday-school twice every Sunday, and our principal 
exercise had been reading and learning by heart the 
New Testament and parts of the Old. 

"Well," she said, "let us recall his words: 'Upon 
this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of hell 
shall not prevail against it. . . . Go ye, therefore, and 
teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the 



From the Highways of Life. 73 

Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, and 
behold I am with you all days, even to the consumma- 
tion of the world. . . . And the Holy Ghost, whom the 
Father will send in my name, will teach you all thing^s, 
and bring all things to your mind whatsoever I have 
said to you, and He will teach you all truth.' Do you 
remember these words of our Lord ? " 

** Yes," I said, absently, " I remember them." While 
in my heart I said : '* Did our Lord really say all this, 
and if He did, what does it mean?" 

*' Do you remember, too," she went on, " that when 
He sent His apostles to teach and preach He said: 'He 
that heareth you, heareth me ; and he that despiseth 
you, despiseth me ' ? Does not this took as if our Lord 
left us teachers who had authority, and whom He would 
guide always in all truth ? If they could teach error 
would not the gates of hell have prevailed against the 
Church of Christ ? " 

I could not say anything to this, for these words of 
our Lord were solemn words, and must mean something, 
and what could they mean but a divine and infallible 
authority ? 

Such conversations now came often in our intercourse. 
The subject of the Church as a divine teacher took pre- 
cedence of all others with me ; that admitted, everything 
else came as a matter of course. Still, I was much 
interested in seeing what the Scriptures said of other 
Catholic dogmas, and my surprise was great to read in 
them all that the Church teaches in regard to Mary, the 
Mother of Jesus. I saw that they said she was full of 
grace, blessed among women, that the Lord was with 



74 From the Highways of Life, 

her, and that the Holy, which should be born of her, 
should be called the Son of God. I saw, too, that Mary 
herself had said that all generations should call her 
blessed. When I read these things I felt as if I had 
read before with my eyes only, and not with my intelli- 
gence. 

But what wonderful revelations of love opened up to 
me when I read, in this new light, the promises of our 
Lord when he instituted the Sacrament of his Body and 
Blood ! I wondered how I could ever have thought that 
such strong, simple, and plain words, such solemn and 
wonderful words, could mean nothing, or the very oppo- 
site of what they said. 

I had not as yet spoken of these thoughts and conver- 
sations to my parents, for it all seemed so strange and 
unexpected to me that I scarcely knew where I stood. 

I still watched my friend to see what were the fruits 
of Catholic faith. I found her life most edifying, and 
step by step I was led on, until I felt that I must ask 
my father for that privilege of liberty of conscience that, 
as a Protestant, he could not reasonably refuse. 

I knew that I should pain him to the heart's core, 
and he was a most loving father; but God's claims were 
first, and it had to be done. 

How well I remember that evening when I first 
opened my heart to him ! With the blood of the 
Puritans in his veins, and the faith of the Puritans in 
his heart, he walked before God, according to his light, 
pure, upright, and devout. He had, outside of his life- 
long prejudices, a very logical mind, and he was true 
n-w to his principles. With a sad heart he gave me the 



From the Highways of Life. 75 

liberty I asked, only begging that I would wait awhile 
and read more, and talk with those whom he would 
bring to me. 

My father thought that I was influenced by the power 
which Catholic worship has over the senses ; but though 
I felt deeply the great beauty of the Catholic liturgy, 
and was impressed by the music and paintings and 
architecture, still I was too much my father's daughter 
to be led by these things ; it would have to be the head 
and not the heart or imagination that would take me 
into the Church, 

The Annual Conference of ministers was about meet- 
ing, and we always entertained some of them at our 
house. When they came and heard of my state of mind, 
each one made an effort to enlighten me in regard to the 
truth. The minister of the church which we attended 
had many talks with me. My father was not always well 
pleased with these conversations, for one of them ad- 
mitted in one of them that he had always believed that 
Purgatory was a very reasonable and almost necessary 
doctrine. Another would not admit that the words, *'the 
Church is the pillar and ground of truth," could be found 
in the New Testament, and was very uncomfortably silent 
when they were found. 

Those were painful days, full of discussions and con- 
troversies, in which, though my arguments prevailed, none 
the less did my heart suffer. I think the last point was 
reached when my mother, who followed her impulses and 
emotions, said that she would rather see me dead than 
to see me a Catholic. 

I had before this been presented to a Catholic priest, 



76 From the Highways of Life. 

Father Starr — so gentle, so kind-hearted ! I remember 
well my feeling of surprise, mixed with a bit of humilia- 
tion, when he gave me a small catechism to read and 
study. Magnificent little catechism ! How I learned to 
love it ! In simplest words, that a child could under- 
stand, was the whole Christian faith given by Christ to 
his apostles to teach and to preach. On every page was 
text after text of Holy Scripture, the two going together 
— the written word of God and the living voice of the 
Church. 

Time passed on, and I felt that the final step must 
be taken. God had given me the gift of faith, and I 
must now profess it before God and man ; so at the altar 
of God, one Sunday after Vespers, I was made by bap- 
tism a child of the Holy Catholic Church. I was at this 
time about seventeen years old. 

What can I say of the new life into which I now en- 
tered ? It almost seemed as if our Lord were living in 
the world again, and that I heard his voice day by day, 
and received from his very hand the wondrous gift of his 
own Body and Blood. The world with a divine and in- 
fallible teacher, and our Lord truly present in the sacra- 
ment of his love, was indeed a very different world ; it 
seemed almost heaven upon earth. 

Many years have passed since then, and every day I 
have thanked God more and more for this gift above all 
price — the gift t)f faith. 

And here the story of my conversion should properly 
end, but there are one or two incidents that happened 
later that I would like to speak of. 

About two years after my conversion my mother said 



From the Highways of Life. 77 

to me one Sunday evening : " I have had a very strange 
interview this afternoon. A lady met me as I came down 
the steps of the church, and asked me if I had not a 
daughter who had become a Cathohc. When I repHed 
in the affirmative, she said she had two sons who had 
become CathoHcs, and one of them was studying for the 
priesthood. She said she thought it might be a consola- 
tion, under the circumstances, for us to see each other 
and talk together. She walked with me some distance, 
and told me that although she had felt this change of 
faith in her sons very much, still she would not, by a 
word even, bring them back, if she could. They were 
happy and full of peace, and she thought they could serve 
God where they were." 

I listened with interest, and was glad of the interview, 
hoping it might be some comfort and help to my mother. 
I had almost forgotten the whole incident, when one 
evening, at the house of my first Catholic friend, who 
was now married, and while we were celebrating by a 
little festivity the baptism of a son for whom I had been 
godmother, a gentleman called and was presented to me. 

I found that he was a convert, and was soon convinced 
that he was the son of the lady who had had that inter- 
view with my mother. Had he, I wondered, heard my 
name or of my conversion } He spoke of his brother, to 
whom he was deeply attached. He was studying abroad 
and was soon to be ordained a priest. I was very much 
interested, for converts in those days were not so fre- 
quently met with as now, and it was a pleasure to me to 
hear how they had come into the Church. 

Our acquaintance ripened, and ended in our receiving 



;8 



From the HigJnvays of Life. 



together another sacrament of the Holy CathoUc Church 
— the Sacrament of Matrimony. The brother is now an 
influential priest, whose writings are well known both 
here and abroad. 

I think I should beg pardon of my readers for intro- 
ducing these last incidents ; but since I write as an act 
of thanksgiving I 'could not pass over the temporal bless- 
ings that followed my coming into the Church. For our 
Lord's promise was truly fulfilled to me, that " every one 
that hath left parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, 
or lands, for the kingdom of God's sake, shall receive a 
hundred-fold in this present time ;'* — may He grant me 
grace so to be faithful as to obtain the rest of the pro- 
mise — " and in the world to come, life everlasting." 




SQKJMMMsm^.i'^iK^^^. 





FROM THE INVISIBLE TO THE VISIBLE 

CHURCH. 

WAS baptized in infancy, my parents being 
members of the Episcopal Church, which I 
was taught to respect as the ** true church." 
My first rehgious impressions were received 
from my mother, who used to entertain and instruct me 
with those beautiful stories from the Bible that are so 
wonderful and delightful to a child ; and quite early in 
life I read the Bible through from beginning to the end, 
obtaining a clearer idea of its contents, and perhaps a 
greater reverence for it, than I otherwise could have done. 
I learned nothing of Catholicity, excepting that it w^as 
practised by the ignorant and superstitious. I became 
conscious very early in life of my need of religion, and 
longed to be able to call myself a Christian, not consid- 
ering myself entitled to the name when my creed was so 
vague and indefinite. My marriage with a Presbyterian 
gentleman opened a field for thought and study before un- 
known to me, and 1 read with special interest, among 
others, some theological works of Dr. Woods, of Ando- 
ver, and of Dr. McCosh. 1 also listened to eloquent 
preachers, and saw and learned much sincere piety among 
the members of this sect. Presbyterianism was there- 
fore, to me, the first stepping-stone to Catholicity, by 
stimulating thought in the direction of religion and giving 
me examples of piety outside my own church. 

79 



8o From the Highways of Life, 

I tried honestly to follow the teaching of Dr. Watts 
in the little poem : 

'* Seize upon truth where'er 'tis found, 

Among your friends, among your foes, 
On Christian or on heathen ground ; 
The flower*s divine, where'er it grows : 
Neglect the prickles, and assume the rose," — 

and I believed m an invisible church, which included all 
in the world who honestly tried to practise the teachings 
of our Lord. In listening to sermons I believed it 
possible to extract some good from the most tedious (as 
those both learned and simple often seemed to me), and 
I think I never failed to receive this reward for patient 
listening. I read the Bible carefully and prayerfully, mak- 
ing my own interpretations, but I found no resting-place 
amid the variety of sects. I saw the doctrines of Pen- 
ance and Extreme Unction plainly written in the New 
Testament, but it did not occur to me that they were 
taught anywhere else, until, in conversation with a Pro- 
testant friend on the subject, she said reproachfully, 
" These are Catholic doctrines." In the course of time I 
met Protestants who were interested in Catholicity and 
who discoursed upon it frequently ; but I avoided the sub- 
ject, and, as much as possible, the otherwise pleasant 
friends who enjoyed these speculations. My husband, 
however, was in earnest, and was after a few years con- 
verted, and I was extremely distressed when he look our 
child to Mass. 

After this event 1 could not refuse to give the subject 
due consideration, nor to read the Catholic books he was 



From the Highways of Life, 8 1 

pleased to bring me. I also made friends among pious 
and devoted Catholics and distinguished theologians, who 
greatly helped to dispel the clouds that had hitherto dark- 
ened my mind. The Church I had so long ignored rose 
to the dignity of a Christian church, a teacher of truth 
instead of error, and so I advanced another step on the 
difficult road. I had given little attention to the ques- 
tion of infallibility, which is the chief point to be decid- 
ed ; for having once found the infallible church, her teach- 
ings are, of course, to be accepted. And would it be 
possible for a wise and good God to leave his creatures 
a fallible church for their guidance ? 

I did not believe the dogma of the Real Presence, as 
I could not understand it, and I objected to devotion to 
the Blessed Virgin. I went one evening to the Redemp- 
torist Church in New York, with a party of Protestants, 
to hear a sermon on devotion to the Blessed Virgin by a 
noted priest of this order. The crowd was so great that 
I w^as obliged to sit on one of the steps outside the 
sanctuary. The sermon interested me, but I was chief- 
ly attracted by the sea of upturned faces with rapt ex- 
pression, such as I had never seen on any crowed of 
listeners. Toward the close of the sermon the speaker 
bade them *' kneel to the Mother of God," and I was 
surprised to see the congregation, with one accord, fall on 
their knees. Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament fol- 
lowed the sermon, and again the people knelt wuth great 
devotion, my Protestant friends doing the same, because, 
as they afterwards said, " When you are in Rome you 
must do as the Romans do." But I stood up, honestly 
believing that I would dishonor God by even seeming to 



82 From the Highivays of Life, 

kneel. A priest who was near the sacristy door request- 
ed my husband to ask me to leave the church if I would 
not kneel ; so I sat down and was permitted to remain. 

One of our party afterwards said to me that the priest 
would lose his influence oyer these people if even one 
person were seen to stand during the ceremony. It w^as an 
educated man who told me this ; he had wTitten an in- 
teresting book ; but he was ignorant, as so many are, of 
the Catholic religion. 

A third and most important step in my conversion was 
the pointing out by a friend of discrepancies in the Book 
of Common Prayer — such as the teaching in the liturgy 
of baptismal regeneration, which is opposed in the " Ar- 
ticles "; the conferring of the power to forgive sins in the 
ordination of the clergy, which is so little practised as to 
be unknown to most people — a most painful discovery; 
for, though glad to learn truth *' where'er 'tis found," I 
was unwilling to see the structure on which I had always 
stood show any signs of weakness. 

I still considered it my duty to attend the Episcopal 
Church, but I could not pray, and the sermons conveyed 
no meaning to my mind. I became bewildered and un- 
happy, apparently losing sight of the truths I had origin- 
nally believed. One Sunday, after listening to a sermon 
by the eloquent Dr. Hawks, I returned home in an un- 
usually desponding frame of mind. My heart and eyes 
were full of tears, and I said : ** Am I so insignificant 
that God does not remember me ? Is there not some 
little service that I could render Him, if He would remem- 
ber me and make me a Christian y And God heard 
me, as he heard the little boy who prayed for bread (a 



From the Highways of Life. 83 

story told in a touching poem by Dr. Hawks). I was 
directed that day to a priest, from whom I received in- 
struction, and through the goodness of God I was led 
into His holy Church. I received conditional baptism, and 
the " Faith " I asked for '* of the Church of God." I re- 
ceived First Communion, and I became heart and soul a 
Catholic. 

This event occurred nearly thirty-three years ago, and 
I am more thankful for the gift of Faith than for any- 
thing else in the world. 

I cannot retrace the exact steps by which I was led 
to believe in the presence of our Lord in the Blessed 
Sacrament, but it was probably a simple belief in the 
words of Holy Scripture, as literally interpreted by the 
Roman Catholic Church : " Jesus took bread, and blessed, 
and broke, and gave to his disciples ; and said : Take ye 
and eat : This is my Body. And taking the chalice, he 
gave thanks ; and gave to them, saying : Drink ye all of 
this. For this is my Blood of the new testament, which 
shall be shed for many for the remission of sins." After 
having once received our Lord in the Holy Communion I 
could no longer doubt. 





THE CATHOLIC RELIGION THE GREATEST 
OF SCIENCES. 

Y father was an American Unitarian, my 
mother English and a member of the 
Church of England. I was born in London, 
and, naturally enough, was baptized by a 
clergyman of the Established Church. 

Soon after, however, the family removed to this 
country, where, my father and mother both dying while 
I was a mere child, I w^as left in the charge of his rela- 
tives, all Unitarians, and attended their church up to the 
age of eighteen, with the exception of one year, during 
which my brother and myself were sent by our guardians 
to the Episcopal church of the town, that we might 
have an opportunity to follow the religion of our mother 
should we desire to do so. As our acquaintance was 
principally among Unitarians, we did not continue our 
attendance at the Episcopal church beyond the pre- 
scribed time ; as might, indeed, have been expected, 
though the intention of my uncle and aunt in sending us 
there was no doubt perfectly sincere. 

Leaving home shortly after completing my college 
course at Harvard, to engage in occupation elsewhere, I 
was provided with a letter, among others, to the Unitar- 
ian clergyman in the city where I was to live. The 
amount of my interest in Unitarianism for its own sake 
may be judged by the fact that I never delivered the 
letter, and have not even to this day any idea where the 



From the Highways of Life. 85 

Unitarian church is situated in that city, or where its 
pastor hved. I suspect that the same would be the case 
with most young men belonging to Protestant denomina- 
tions in going to a strange place, unless they wished by 
acquaintance in their church to obtain a start in business 
or society. As I had all the start in business I desired, 
and had very little inclination for society beyond that of 
my companions in work, this motive did not suggest itself. 

It was natural, however, to ^o to church somewhere 
on Sunday, and the Catholic cathedral was the most 
attractive place. I attended High Mass, together with 
another young man in the same employment as myself, 
and equally devoid, I imagine, of any religious convic- 
tions. The music was fine, and it w^as principally for 
the sake of it that we were so regular in our attendance ; 
for we always took a back seat, and were too far away 
to make much out of the ceremonies, even had we been 
interested in them. I saw, however, our late venerated 
cardinal — then a bishop only, for it was before his trans- 
lation to the see of New York — and heard him preach on 
several occasions, but probably paid Httle attention. I 
thought at one time of getting a book to assist in fol- 
lowing the service, but never did so. The only reason 
was that I might know better what was going on, and 
thus occupy myself in a more intelligent way; I had not, 
as far as I can remember, any suspicion that the Catho- 
lic religion could be the true one ; indeed, I did not, 
believe there was any true religion, properly so called. I 
believed in God, but had no faith in revelation. 

I cannot see that this attendance at the cathedral 
had any effect v/hatever on my subsequent course, unless 



86 From the Highways of Life, 

very indirectly, as may be seen later. I had always 
regarded the Catholic Church, not indeed with the posi- 
tive prejudices and outrageously false notions which make 
many Protestants oppose it so vigorously, but with a 
kind of lofty disdain, or rather indifference ; I considered 
it as an old fossiL, teaching, if it taught anything, some 
false doctrines which modern enlightenment had long ago 
exploded. It was to me Hke the Ptolemaic astronomy, a 
system w^hich only the ignorant could accept. If the 
matter of religion had seemed to me of vital importance, 
of course I should have seen that false views about it 
must be very dangerous and of vastly more consequence 
than false astronomical theories ; but I really thought 
that all that was important or possible to know about 
God — in whose existence I fully believed — could be 
found out by a short course of reasoning ; that I had 
already gone through with this, and that probably most 
other people had. 

Humanly speaking, it does not seem likely that I 
should have given the matter of religion any serious con- 
sideration, at this time at least, had it not been for one 
of my associates in work — strange to say, the only 
person, if I remember right, with whom I had ever been 
acquainted, in whom a belief in the Christian revelation 
as a real, positive system was marked enough to excite 
interest and inquiry.. He was a High-Churchman; 
Ritualism as it is now understood was in a very unde- 
veloped state, and the services at the little church which 
he attended had none of the attractions for the eye and 
ear which I found at the cathedral ; still he induced me 
to accompany him several times. 



From the Highways of Life, 87 

I cannot trace the exact mental steps through which I 
passed from Unitarianism to the church of my mother. 
Morally and spiritually, I think a great change was pro- 
duced by a sermon which I heard at this little church 
one evening on the text, *'You cannot serve God and 
Mammon." I gave up the worldly ambition which had 
been, though secretly, my principal motive for exertion, 
and determined to do everything for God's sake alone. 
The preacher was not a very eloquent man, and the 
sermon was probably in itself not an extraordinary one; 
but God's grace went with it, as it is continually work- 
ing everywhere. 

As to change of doctrine, it must be said that though 
without any belief in definite dogma, I had still retained 
the Protestant tradition as to the inspiration of the 
Bible, and began to get some light from reading it. 
Taking the Bible for a basis, it does not take very long 
to dispose of Unitarianism, as my brother, with whom I 
afterward carried on a long controversy by letter, was 
quite willing to concede. The text which did more for 
me than any other was John xiv. i.: "You believe in 
God ; believe also in me " ; though, of course, I could not 
be satisfied intellectually of such a great point as the 
divinity of our Lord without a good deal of examination. 
My heart had accepted the truth, but the head had to 
say '' Nihil obstat " before I would move. 

I returned to the church (so to speak) of my baptism 
a month or so after the sermon of w^hich mention has 
been made. Of course no reception was necessary ; but 
I had to prepare for my First Communion, and therefore 
presented myself to the pastor of our Httle church to 



88 From the Highzvays of Life. 

receive his advice and direction. He recommended prin- 
cipally the careful reading of the sixth chapter of 
St. John's Gospel, and I remember feeling very anxious 
till the Communion was made, on account of the 
fifty-fourth verse, which I understood as meaning that it 
was necessary for salvation. I was confirmed on the 
feast of the Annunciation, and received the rite alone, it 
not being the regular time. The second chapter of Eccle- 
siasticus, which was read, made a great impression on 
my mind. 

It may probably be imagined that, having got so far 
as to be a High-Churchman, the rest of the road was 
easy. It might have been, but I doubt it; the "High" 
Church is rather a dangerous substitute for the true one. 
The friend of whom I have spoken, who had been the 
means of bringing me thus far, still, after thirty years, 
remains as he was then. At any rate, the way in which 
it actually came about was by my getting some experi- 
ence as a Low-Churchman. Moving into the Massachu- 
setts diocese shortly after my confirmation, I naturally 
selected as ** high " a church as possible for my regular 
attendance, being aware of the prevailing tendency the 
other way, and of the " low " views of the bishop. But 
to go to the ** Church of the Advent " soon became loo 
much trouble, especially in winter, for one living, as I 
did, several miles from Boston ; so I finally gave up the 
attempt, and turned over to the church of our own town, 
whose pastor was one of the most distinguished in the 
diocese for learning and for his ability in the pulpit. 

But he was certainly very " low," and some matters 
in the parish fell into the hands of people even lower 



From the Highways of Life. 89 

than himself. Many of us became very " evangeHcal," 
and some of the young men, among whom were the 
pastor's son and myself, were roped — yes, really roped, 
against our will — by a set of pious ladies into establish- 
ing a regular prayer-meeting. It was held on Sunday 
evenings in the little chapel, where we also taught 
Sunday-school, and on another evening in the week at 
the house of some religious person in the village, near 
where most of the Catholics lived. Though we tried no 
direct proselytism, I think we had some hope that a 
Romanist or two might " experience religion " by means 
of these village meetings. But how I, and I think most 
of the few other young men — one exception I believe 
there was — dreaded these performances! The ladies, no 
doubt, liked them well enough ; but then they were not 
required to take any active part. One of us, of course, 
always took charge, and that was not so bad ; for then 
you could get up your opening matter quietly at home, 
select your chapter and prepare your remarks, and spring 
them on the others. But imagine the misery of those 
others, of whom you would usually be one, who, 
especially if our great " exhorter " happened to be absent, 
might be called on at any moment to make some 
remarks suggested by the subject, or at least to lead in 
prayer ! The last was not so difficult, for, after all, these 
extempore prayers fall into a regular rut, and one soon 
acquires a tolerable facility in them ; but the miserable 
msincerity of pretending to speak to God, when the only 
real desire was to get through creditably, made one want 
to avoid them if any remarks could possibly be thought of. 
The whole matter became very sickening; and the 



90 From the Highways of Life, 

utter inefficacy of the system as a means to virtue and 
spiritual life was so evident that I became anxious to find 
some way to escape. I wanted something that the soul 
could live on, but did not know w^here to turn for it. 
At this time two circumstances, accidental, as it would 
seem, and not veij notable in themselves, turned me in a 
Catholic direction. One was a trip made with my old 
friend to the city where we had previously lived, on the 
occasion of which we made a visit to the cathedral 
which I had formerly attended, but which now in some 
way gave me other impressions than those of mere 
admiration and curiosity. My friend was enough of a 
Ritualist to genuflect on passing the altar ; and though I 
did not feel like doing that, yet the distinctness with 
which I remember it makes me think that the idea of 
the Real Presence made a strong impression on me. 

The second accident, if it may be so called, and the 
one which actually, or at least proximately, had more to 
do with my determination, was the reading of a book 
of Miss Frederika Bremer's, in which she gave an 
account of a visit to Rome, and of her there making 
some examination of Catholic doctrine. She mentioned 
the Catechism of the Coitncit of Trent as a book which 
had been put into her hands. I made up my mind to 
get this book and see what the Roman Church had to 
say for itself. Anything seemed better than the miser- 
able position to which I had been brought. So I got 
the book. It was a great point to have something 
definite to ask for, and up to this time I had not even 
known the name of a single work treating on Catholic 
doctrine. I did not know anything even of anti-Catholic 



From the Highways of Life. 91 

controversy; the whole field was simply a blank. Many, 
perhaps most Protestants are, I imagine, in that position. 

I read the book at night, after everybody else had 
gone to bed. It may seem strange to say it, but what 
surprised me was its '' evangelical " tone. I had a gen- 
eral idea that the Roman Church placed the means of 
salvation in works and outward observances ; but here I 
found the Blood of Christ and his merits put forward as 
the one price of our redemption, as forcibly as in any 
book I had ever read or any sermon I had ever heard. 
What added much to its weight was that I felt sure this 
was really Catholic teaching. Controversial books might 
be traps to catch Protestants, in which the genuine 
Roman doctrine was manipulated or partly concealed; 
but here was a real official book, meant for Catholics 
themselves. 

However, I got controversial books, plenty of them, 
and read them in the same way. I think I had got out 
of the prayer-meetings before this ; but I was still a 
communicant and taught in Sunday-school, and, as I did 
not know how the thing would turn out, it was necessary 
to be careful. I did not say or teach anythmg that I did 
not believe, but of course kept quiet about what was 
going on in my own mind. 

The getting of the books was a matter of some 
embarrassment. Donahoe's book-store was in rather a 
frequented part of the city, and people who knew me 
were likely enough to pass that way ; so before going in 
1 would take a good look up and down the street to 
assure myself that the coast was clear, then walk into 
the store and make my selection. But the question then 



92 Fro7n the Highways of Life, 

was how to get out ; one could not look up and down 
the street from inside, and might stumble on some 
unwelcome friend at the very doorstep. Whether any 
such ever saw me come out I cannot tell, for I never 
ventured to look on these occasions, but plunged ahead 
and took my chances. 

It did not appear that I was found out during the 
year that I pursued this course of quiet reading. But at 
last my convictions became so strong, at least of the 
falsity of Protestantism, that I could not continue to 
teach in Sunday-school ; and then something was sus- 
pected. Shortly after I gave up attendance at church, 
and told some persons confidentially of the course my 
mind had taken, but of course tried to avoid general dis- 
cussion and remark. This was a critical time ,• for the 
alternative now presented was between the Catholic 
Church and the abandonment of Christianity as a revela- 
tion altogether. I had followed the historical road, as it 
may be called, and had seen plainly enough by this time 
that Christianity, if it was anything more than mere 
human speculation, was Catholicity. And then there was 
for awhile a time in which I lost mterest m the question; 
how I recovered it, otherwise than by the grace of God, 
I do not know. I was advised to consult my own pastor 
and other clergymen. Strange to say, none of them 
defended their own position with much vigor. My pastor 
lent me ChiUingworth, but also Moehler's SyjJtbolis?n ; 
the clergyman of the Unitarian church and another 
whom I consulted, both men of distinguished ability, con- 
tented themselves with glittering generalities ; another, a 
neighbor of mine, an excellent and most amiable man, 



From the Highways of Life, 93 

lent me the historical works of Eusebius and Socrates. 
None attempted any real discussion. 

All this time I had never spoken to a single Catholic 
on the subject of religion, and hardly knew one to whom 
I could speak. It never occurred to me to go to the 
priest till after about sixteen months from my first start, 
when my mind was made up as far as it could be ; by 
which I mean that, though I did not believe,%I saw no 
reason for not believing. The argument was as complete 
as mere argument could be to prove the divine construc- 
tion of the wonderful edifice at the door of which I sat 
waiting; but practically I was not quite convinced or 
ready to enter. The grace of God w^as what I needed ; 
and it came through reading some of the Annals of the 
Propagation of the Faith, I think. It moved me to act, 
to go to the priest and ask to be received. The veil 
w^as still between my eyes and the truth as Catholics see 
it ; what might be behind that veil I could not tell ; 
there was no way of telling but by trying ; it was, as 
Cardinal Newman says, " a leap in the dark," but one 
that reason, conscience, and the voice of God required. 
It must come in this way, I think, to all converts who 
have the common Protestant traditions. 

I rang the priest's door-bell ; he himself came to the 
door. " I want," I said, " to be a Catholic." I thought 
that was all ; that he would do what was needed to 
make me one without delay. But of course he put 
me under instruction ; gave me books, which I already 
was pretty well filled up with ; but his instructions, his 
answers to my questions, did more good than all the 
books he could have furnished. But still the old practi- 



94 From tJie Highways of Life, 



cal obstacle remained till the very end : *' What if the 
priest himself be insincere? how do I know but what 
some things are being kept from me which will come 
out when it is too late ? " Modern miracles made a 
special difficulty, not one that was going to turn me back 
now, for my min4 was made up to go behind that veil 
and see. But did Catholics really believe in them ? I 
was almost afraid to ask. The miracle of St. Januarius 
was a thing I had to bring up, and half-expected to hear 
that, at least, dismissed as a superstition. And then did 

Father himself really abstain from meat on Friday, 

or was this only something palmed off on the people ? 
Strange to say, even after I was received, though very 
strict about this matter, I was shamefaced about it, and 
did not know whether Catholics were really expected to 
be so. 

I was baptized conditionally on the Feast of the 
Assumption, 1862, having been under instruction about 
six weeks. I had been an Episcopalian about three years 
and a half, and was a little over twenty-three years old. 
It took me a little time to get into Catholic ways and 
practices, but from the day of my reception till now 
doubt of the Catholic religion in any point, small or 
great, has seemed as impossible, unreasonable, and absurd 
as doubt about the truths of algebra or geometry. Re- 
ligion, instead of being a mere matter of speculation or 
of enthusiasm, which one must not investigate too 
closely, has been ever since then to me the most certain 
as wxll as infinitely the most important of all the 
sciences. 




b 



THORNTON'S CONVERSION. 

HORNTON was a slave, bred up on the 
Jefferson estates in Virginia, who about 
forty years ago came into possession of 
Bishop Reynolds, of Charleston. He was 
an intelligent man, knew how to read, and was a 
capable, diligent servant, thoroughly honest and trust- 
worthy. He was a religious man and a preacher among 
the Baptists. His curiosity was immediately excited about 
the Catholic religion, and he used to talk with the clergy- 
men at the cathedral whenever he could get the chance. 
His Bible and hymn-book had got rather mixed up in 
his memory, and he sometimes quoted verses of hymns 
for Scriptural texts. Once he told me of a sermon he 
had preached on the text ** Thou art Peter." ** You see, 
I said that Peter was just like a rock, his faith was so 
strong. And the Lord said He would build His church 
on Peter's faith." He used to hang around the sacristy 
and listen to sermons through the doors, which of course, 
in South Carolina, were usually left open. Once when a 
celebrated preacher of that day was giving a retreat, and 
Thornton was listening to a sermon, the preacher inad- 
vertently made a slip and spoke of Adam as having gone 
to Abraham's bosom when he died. Thornton thought 
he had caught infallibility in a mistake, and with sup- 
pressed glee went to find the bishop. 

** Massa," said he, '' who died first — Adam or Abra- 
ham ? " 

95 



96 From the Highways of Life. 

" Why, Adam, of course. What makes you ask that 
question ? " 

"Why, massa, the preacher said just now that Adam 
when he die go to Abraham's bosom. How he do that 
when Adam die first ? " 

Thornton kept on thinking and studying out the 
Church as well as he was able. After some time he 
preached a sermon to his colored Baptist brethren, in 
which he told them that there was no religion in shout- 
ing and kicking the benches, and exhorted them to 
amend their lives. Whereupon he was expelled from the 
brotherhood and went no more among them. Soon after 
I left Charleston, and saw it no more for ten years. 
When I went there again to give a mission the old 
cathedral, the bishop, and Thornton were gone. I was 
informed that he had been instructed and received into 
the Church, had lived for several years a devout Catholic, 
and had happily departed this life. Thornton was another 
Onesimus. 





A PRINTER'S TOKEN OF CATHOLIC TRUTH. 

ORN in Philadelphia, and in a section of it 
which was intensely ** Native American," 
among my earliest recollections are scenes 
of the riots of 1844, I being then a boy of 
ten years. I grew up amidst the prejudices born of such 
events, and early learned to look upon a ** foreigner" 
with suspicion, and upon a ** Roman Catholic foreigner " 
as one who lived in this country by tolerance, not by any 
just right. 

My father died when I had hardly emerged from in- 
fancy, and I know little of his religious notions save 
by tradition. My good mother was a sincere Baptist of 
the ** Hard-shell " school, and I was early taught that 
Sunday was a day for gloomy silence and cold dinners. 
On Sunday mornings, at 9 o'clock, I was sent, with my 
sisters, to the Sunday-school of the Spruce Street Baptist 
Church, and on emerging therefrom, about half-past ten, 
I was duly led, by my pious and watchful mother, into 
the church, there to listen to sermons extending over an 
hour. The only recollection of these I now have is that 
of being unwillingly kept awake by chewing cloves, which 
my mother carried in her pocket, I suspect, for the bene- 
fit of my older sisters as well as of myself. Occasionally 
I escaped this ordeal by playing " hookey " amidst the 
tombstones of the adjoining grave-yard, to me a far 
pleasanter place than the church, wdth its blank walls 
and elevated pulpit. In the afternoon we again attended 

97 



98 From the Highways of Lije, 

Sunday-school ; but to this I did not object, for what 
with the singing ; the striving for, and occasionally win- 
ning, a prize for memorizing Scriptural verses; the "li- 
brary books " to be taken out, and the chance to talk to 
my boy companions, I needed no cloves to keep me 
awake. Certainly Protestants contrive to make their 
Sunday-schools pleasurable and attractive, if not spiritually 
profitable, to children, and this is, I believe, one of the 
chief methods by which the sects are recruited. 

My mother was little given to talkmg about religion, 
except to the minister when he occasionally visited our 
house, and I do not recollect that I was taught at home 
more of it than to say the Our Father and to sing in- 
fantile hymns of the " Twinkle, twinkle, little star " order. 
Of my Sunday-school training I retained only the Ten 
Commandments and the notion that I must not ** hit the 
other fellow when he was down " — in other words, that 
I must do to others as I would have them do to me. 
Of the "library books," of which I read a great many, I 
remember only that boys who went fishing on the Sab- 
bath were generally drowned, and that the Catholics had 
been guilty of numberless cruel persecutions of innocent 
Protestants, who, so far as I then learned, never retali- 
ated. Here also I first learned of the iniquities of the 
Inquisition, for which, of course, the Catholic Church was 
to be held responsible. However, to this moral ballast, 
so to speak, I owe it that during the many years I lived 
without religion I was enabled to keep fairly before the 
wind of my neighbors' good opinion, and even occasion- 
ally to do some little good to my kind. 

At the age of fifteen I went to reside on a farm on 



From the Highways of Life, 99 

the .borders of Maryland, a few miles from Dover, Del., 
where I remained about four years. The people I now 
came in contact with were nearly all Methodists, and 
here for the first time I witnessed what is called a 
" shouting " Methodist revival. At first this sort of reli- 
gious service excited curiosity, then astonishment and 
emotion at its excessive fervor ; and indeed — helped on, 
no doubt, by the example of youthful companions, and 
being of a sympathetic if not religious temperament — 
on several occasions I was brought to the verge of ** get- 
ting religion." The next day, however, freed from the 
spell of the eloquent " exhorter," I would fall back into 
my normal condition. I was, perhaps, abetted in this 
weakness also by those about me, for I observed a calm 
worldliness about those who had *' shouted " loudest the 
night before which greatly helped me to throw off the 
spell; If I were asked to name the chief excitant of 
these ** revivals," I should reply that, while undoubt- 
edly some of the speakers were really eloquent and ca- 
pable of exciting intense emotion in their auditors, the 
very life and spirit of the meetings was the extraordinarily 
fervent congregational singing. One need only to attend 
a Southern camp-meeting and watch the effect of the sing- 
ing to appreciate the force of some of Father Young's 
arguments in favor of congregational singing in the Catho- 
lic Church. Indeed, while sermons made little impression 
on me in those days — perhaps because I had no real 
bent toward religion, or it may be because of the fine- 
spun theories of which the sermons were generally woven 
— I even yet recall the pleasure with which I joined 
my voice with those of others in giving fervent utterance 



lOO From the Highways of Life. 

to the hymns of Watts and Wesley. Of the supernakiral 
side of reUgion at this time I knew Httle or nothing, 
though I possessed, in a misty way, a behef in the Holy 
Trinity, that Jesus Christ died to save sinners, and that 
beUef in this was sufficient for salvation ; but that church- 
going was an ess&ntial to my eternal welfare was no part 
of my creed. And this attitude I believe to be that of 
thousands of decent-living Protestants, especially in our 
large cities. 

About the age of nineteen I returned to Philadelphia, 
and began to learn the printer's trade. Being self-willed, 
my gentle mother's exhortations and example had little 
effect upon me, and I seldom entered a church, and when 
I did so was indifferent as to its denomination. Soon 
after reaching my majority I married a lady who had 
been reared in the Episcopal faith, but who, like myself, 
was rather indifferent to religion. We seldom attended 
any church, spending our Sundays quietly at home in 
reading, or else seeking recreation in out-door excursions. 
Indeed, I think we were fair samples of the average Pro- 
testant, looking upon religion as a mere matter of good 
morals, not something to be cherished and lived up to 
as of the most vital concern. Our religion was, practi- 
cally, summed up in the desire to pay our debts and live 
decent, inoffensive lives, and to this end church-going did 
not appear to us a sine qua non. Holding such notions, 
it may seem illogical, but nevertheless when our children 
were old enough we faithfully sent them to Sunday- 
school. One ground, perhaps, for our opinions about 
church-going was, that we observed that the daily lives 
and actions of punctilious church-goers, among our ac- 



From the Highivays of Life, loi 

quaintance, were not much different from our own. In 
other words, that their religion was mainly a Sunday 
affair, and did not materially affect their dealings with 
their neighbors. The following incident may illustrate 
my meaning ; yet I by no means wish to be understood 
as implying that this is an average sample of Protestant 
church-goers, though I have known a good many such. 
Sitting with a friend one Sunday evening, on the piazza 
of a house near a country church, there came to our ears 
the loud tones of a voice in fervent prayer or exhortation ; 
gradually the sounds increased in loudness till they be- 
came stentorian. Turning to me, my friend, something 
of a wag, dryly remarked, " He's topping-off." Inquiry 
elicited the information that the voice proceeded from a 
farmer who had the reputation of partly filling his market- 
baskets with small, scrubby potatoes, and '* topping-off " 
with big ones. 

In i860 I came to New York to fill a position on a new- 
ly estabhshed daily paper. In this occupation I remained 
about five years, and as I slept in daytime in order that 
I might work at night, I did not during those years en- 
ter a church save once. And that exception occurred in 
this wise : going to my home in Brooklyn, between the 
hours of four and five in the morning, in passing through 
Court Street I observed a crowd of people hurrying into 
a church. As this was a daily occurrence, and as incle- 
ment weather seemed not to diminish the number, I was 
curious to know what drew them. Asking a car-driver 
one morning, I was told : '* It's first Mass they're going 
to, sir." Soon after, on a cold, sleety morning — such a 
morning as would cause most people to shrink from ven- 



I02 From the Highways of Life. 

turing out — I noticed a crowd larger than usual straggling 
along into the church. Acting on the impulse of the 
moment, I sprang from the car on which I was riding, 
resolved to see for myself what attractions there were in 
a " first Mass." Passing up the steps with the people, in 
a few moments \ stood for the first time within the 
walls of a Catholic church. The service soon began, 
and for awhile I watched the priest. Understanding 
almost nothing of what was passing before me, I turned 
my attention to the people. The first thing about them 
that impressed me was their self-abandoned, devout atti- 
tudes. Then for some time I sat curiously watching a 
poor old woman passing through her fingers what I took 
to be a black cord, and I also noticed that she occasion- 
ally kissed some part of it and passed her hand down 
and across her breast. While speculating as to what all 
this meant, I suddenly heard the tinkling of a bell. 
Straightway down upon their knees fell all the people, 
with bowed heads. This sight and the sudden move- 
ment — or was it the Divine Presence } — sent a thrill of 
awe through me, and involuntarily I bowed my head, 
though ignorant of what was transpiring. Soon after the 
service ended, and as I passed out with the crowd I was 
struck with the fact that it was composed mostly of 
those who were evidently working-people. For a while I 
thought much of what I had seen and felt, and especially 
I wondered what there was in the Catholic religion that 
could draw people from their comfortable beds and homes 
at such uncanny hours ; but gradually the matter passed 
from my mind. This was due partly, perhaps, to the fact 
that up to this time I had not numbered among my 



► 



From the Highways of Life, 103 

friends an intelligent Catholic, nor, though all my life 
a diligent reader of miscellaneous literature, had I read a 
Catholic book. Occasionally I had seen a Catholic paper, 
or read an extract from one in a secular journal, but the 
over-vigorous and often offensive polemics, and, as it then 
seemed to me, unwarrantable claim to possessing the 
only trice religion, disgusted and repelled me. 

But I had now reached the turning point in my life. As 
I look back to this period I recognize the hand of God 
directing for my good events which I then deemed great 
misfortunes. In 1865, owing to broken health, I quitted 
the night work and became ** reader " in a book-printing 
office. Here I read many Catholic books while they 
were passing through the press, especially those pub- 
lished by the Catholic Publication Society, then recently 
established by the Very Rev. I. T. Hecker — a work, by 
the by, which should win him the lasting gratitude of 
American Catholics, for through his instrumentality our 
Catholic literature has been lifted up and greatly en- 
riched. I also read The Catholic World, 

I was now brought into mental contact with those 
capable of enlightening me as to the real history ot the 
Catholic Church, and also of setting clearly before my 
mind the beauties, truth, and consistency of the Catholic 
religion. Gradually my mind opened to and absorbed 
these facts : first, that the Catholic Church, being the 
only church of Christendom lor sixteen hundred years, 
must be the one founded by Jesus Christ, and the one 
whose doctrines were promulgated by the apostles; 
second, that 1 found in the Apostles' Creed Avhatever 
sound doctrines I had learned of in Protestant churches, 



1 04 Frojn the Highivays of Life, 

and that, consequently, they must have been derived from 
the Cathohc Church ; third, that the history of the 
CathoUc Church was identical with that of modern 
civilization, which was moulded by her; fourth, that he- 
roic charity had always marked her religious orders, as is 
splendidly illustrated by the lives of such men as St. 
Francis and St. Vincent de Paul, who especially excited 
my veneration ; fifth, that if abuses had at times crept 
into the Church they were due to human weakness or 
the meddling of laymen, but in no way invalidated the 
Divine infallibility of her doctrines ; sixth, that she had 
been, in the days of her greatest power, the benefactor 
and protector of the poor and the humble. This latter 
fact especially impressed and won me, and this impres- 
sion has been deepened by subsequent reading upon the 
middle ages, the monastic orders, and the guilds. In- 
deed, I am fixed in the belief that the Catholic Church 
can and will solve the social problems now everywhere 
pressing for solution, and 1 rejoice exceedingly that the 
best and brightest Catholic minds are now earnestly 
strivmg to this end. 

It was, however, no easy task to reconcile my mind to 
accept the facts so plainly presented by Catholic writers, 
for they completely overturned all my previous notions 
and refuted what 1 had heretofore held as the truth. If 
I were 10 accept as true what I was now learning, what 
was to become of my cherished beliefs as to the Inquisi- 
tion and its horrors; the St. Bartholomew massacre; 
Bloody Mary; the poor Covenanters and Huguenots; the 
malevolent Jesuits, who were stealthily striving to estab- 
lish here, upon the ruins of our republic, a despotism 



From the Highways of Life. 105 

similar to those upheld by them in Europe, and a host 
of other grievances that I had been taught to lay at 
the Church's door ? I struggled hard against admitting 
the truth of what I now learned, arguing that Catholic 
writers colored or suppressed the facts to suit their 
purposes ; but the evidences accumulated — some even 
being furnished by Protestants (about this time I read 
Cobbett) — as I went along, and in the end I was obliged 
to succumb. Perhaps nothing did so much to reconcile 
me to this as the constant reading of the alwa3^s 
temperate and fair-minded pages of The Catholic World, 
Indeed, I do not hesitate to say that, under Providence, 
I largely owe my conversion to the teachings of that 
magazine, for I have never cared to read purely theologi- 
cal or didactic writings. So far as I can now recall, 
the first book which gave me a taste of the true flavor 
of the Catholic spirit was Constance Sherwood, 

Thus far it was the historical or human side of the 
Church which most interested me. Her supernatural 
side had not as yet much attracted my attention. What 
religious ideas I had thus far imbibed had been received 
unconsciously, and perhaps not fully assimilated. And so 
for some years I drifted along, making no practical 
application to myself of the precious knowledge I was 
acquiring. But the seed was not falling upon altogether 
barren soil, as the sequel proved. 

At this period there fell upon mc long-continued 
afflictions and sorrows — such sorrows as cause the soul, 
however blindly, to reach out beyond its earthly tene- 
ment for consolation. In the midst of my troubles I 
began seriously to ask myself : *' For what was I 



io6 From the Highways of Life, 

created ? " " Is this life the beginning and end of my 
career?" "If there be another and a better Hfe, should 
I not strive to attain it ? " I determined to do so. This 
resolution once formed, I began to weigh the claims of 
the different forms of religion of which I knew anything. 
Study of a catechism, with frequent reference to a Bible 
for verification, proved to me that the claims of the 
Church to be divinely founded were substantiated, as 
were her doctrines, by Scripture as well as by tradition. 
I soon reached the conclusion that if any religion was 
true it must be the Catholic religion. I resolved to seek 
admission to the Catholic Church. Then I began to find 
stumbling-blocks : first the confessional ; then the ** wor- 
ship" — as I still ignorantly viewed it — of the saints (so 
astounded was I when I first came upon the teaching of 
the Church relative to the Mother of God that I turned 
to a Protestant Bible to ascertain if it were the same 
personage whom I had known simply as ** Mary, the 
mother of Jesus," for I had never heard mention in a 
Protestant pulpit of the Immaculate Conception). I had 
a lingering doubt about the Real Presence, but especially I 
was haunted with the fear that I could not really "get relig- 
ion," as I did not feel any overwhelming religious emotion. 
Fortunately, during these latter years I had made 
acquaintance and gained the friendship of some intel- 
ligent Catholics, and at this crisis I had the wise 
counsel of a well-informed and experienced Catholic gen- 
tleman (a publisher), who introduced me to a Lazarist 
father then giving a mission in Brooklyn, whose advice 
aiKl explanations were extremely helpful. I attended the 
mission, and was much benefited therefrom. I was, 



From the Highivays of Life, 107 

however, astonished at the character of the preaching — 
its practical and direct simpHcity, not to say bluntness, 
«* a spade being called a spade." I had said nothing to 
the priest about my doubts as to '' getting religion," and 
this still troubled me. Again I consulted my friend, and 
he introduced me to the Bishop of Peoria, who quickly 
convinced me that the Catholic religion was an intellec- 
tual, not simply an emotional religion, and that it required 
no spiritual convulsions to fit me to become a Catholic — 
a view which has since been more fully developed to my 
mind by reading the writings of the Very Rev. I. T. 
Hecker, who also made clear to me that there is no 
incongruity between Catholicity and republican institu- 
tions. Since then, too, I have learned that the Catholic 
religion, while not emotional in the sense in which I had 
looked at it, is yet adapted to every cast of soul. How- 
ever fervent of spirit one may be, his soul can here find 
ample food. If he be fired by heroic charity, he can 
here find wide fields for its exercise. If he be curious 
to explore the deeps of metaphysics and ethics, he will 
here find them almost soundless. And I have also 
learned that to live up to the letter and the spirit of the 
Catholic religion is no easy task. 

Nothing now prevented me from following the bent 
of my inclinations, and soon afterwards I received bap- 
tism and was admitted to the Church. As the years roll 
by I am more and more satisfied of the wisdom of my 
choice, and more and more I rejoice and thank God for 
the peace and happiness I have found. God has blessed 
me far beyond my deserts. May he grant me the grace 
of perseverance and a happy death ! 




A PAGE IN MY LIFE'S HISTORY.— BY A 
SCHOOL-GIRL. 

Y early life passed without pain or trial, with 
the 'exception of one great blow which I 
thought then small and trivial, but which I 
now look back upon as my greatest cross. 

Once a sudden and strange idea seized me. I had 
heard and read a great deal about boarding-schools, and 
happening one day to mention my desire to a dear friend, 
she concluded she would like nothing better herself, and 
we both accordingly agreed to ask our parents' consent. 
So we parted full of expectation and hope. But very 
different were the results. She was refused, while my 
fc ther consented to let me go the following September. 

Imagine my surprise and chagrin, for I was a Protes- 
tant, when I learned that my father had chosen a 
convent, instead of the fashionable boarding-school I 
expected him to select. I had read many startling things 
concerning such places, and had the most absurd ideas 
of priests and nuns ; but as my father was inflexible in 
his choice, I resolved to face the inevitable, and a few 
months later found me enclosed in convent walls. 

I soon found that the Sisters were very different from 
what I had imagined. My foolish notions of them were 
dispelled, but still I remained very distant and spoke to 
them only when necessary. 

I had never learned much of their religion, but to me 

it appeared like base superstition, and I firmly resolved 

io8 



From the Highways of Life, 109 

to close my heart and mind against all that was passing 
around me. 

Two years passed away uneventfully, and I was per- 
fectly happy and contented among my new friends. 

Few changes occurred outw^ardly, but in my heart 
strange things were happening. I could not shut my eyes 
to the exemplary lives of the sisters and my companions. 
I could not prevent myself from feeling the influence of 
their gentle, joyful, and tranquil " mien, as I contrasted 
their contentment with the disquietude of my own heart. 
The familiarity of the youngest of my companions with 
the great truths of which I had, up to that time, heard 
so little, astonished me. All this interfered sadly with 
my peace and happiness. Oh ! the struggle that was 
going on within me. Finally, the grace of God prevailed, 
the victory was won, and I had made up my mind to 
become a Catholic, in spite of the pain it would cause 
my parents and the sacrifice I knew it would cost me. 

Having conquered myself, God made the rest easy, 
and my first resolve was to make known my intentions 
to one of the sisters. 

She bade me consider seriously the step I was going 
to take, and to commend myself to God and seek his aid 
by prayer. I received instructions first from a sister, 
and they were completed by the father who conducted 
our retreat in 188-. In December I received the holy 
Sacrament of Baptism. God had w^onderfully favored 
me, for I had never been baptized, and now, as the 
purifying waters were poured over me, I knew the veil 
of sin had risen, which left me as pure and spotless as 
an infant when first crowned with its baptismal inno- 



no 



From the Highways of Life, 



cence. To complete my joy, the next morning I received 
the most holy Eucharist. I cannot remember how I first 
came to believe this wonderful mystery ; however, it was 
owing to no exertion on my part, for whenever I entered 
the chapel a strange sensation came over me, and I 
found myself invx)luntarily adoring my God and Saviour 
in the tabernacle. 

Two years have almost passed since then, and I have 
never ceased to thank God for leading me to this source 
of unbounded happiness. If by my prayers and example 
I can induce my parents and sisters to follow my path, 
my happiness will be complete. 

I cannot bring my ** page " to a close until I have 
expressed my gratitude to my parents for their generos- 
ity and kindness, not only in sending me to a convent, 
but also in giving their consent to my becoming a Cath- 
olic so willingly ; I feel confident th^t God will not allow 
their generosity to pass without reward. 





ENLIGHTENED BY THE HOLY GHOST. 

OU ask me to tell the story of my conversion. 
The bishop who received me into the 
Church said to me after hearing it : ** Never 
tell that story to others, for they will 
not believe it. I believe it, and that you have no choice 
but to follow, at all cost, the extraordinary w^ay in which 
God is leading you ; but I tell you in advance, you wall 
need all your courage. Your friends will despise you, 
and you will get little sympathy from the Catholics of 
this place, who will feel distrust of one who abandons 
her ow^n religion ; but all the same, you must go on ; 
only ask God to give you the courage you will sorely 
need." 

The bishop's words came more than true ; but the 
courage he bade me ask of God was not refused me, 
and it sufficed amply for my needs. And now that the 
lapse of time has proved that it was not an ig7iis fatuus 
of imagination, but indeed the light of God that led me, 
the story, it seems to me, may be told, since you ask it ; 
the same light that made it carry conviction to my own 
soul will impress its truth upon others who may be in 
conditions to be benefited by it. 

My life has been like a road illuminated at night by 
lamps within whose circle of light all was clear, and by 
which I shaped my course through the semi-obscurity of 
the intervals until another lamp was reached. The first 
shines out very far back, when I was a little child play- 



1 1 2 From the Highways of Life, 

ing about the floor, while my mother entertained callers. 
Even then the dual nature in me was in force — a nature 
that on one hand gave me later the name of the wildest 
tomboy of the neighborhood, that impelled me to ride 
unbroken colts, to run, skate, dance, swim, climb to the 
most dangerous heights ; and on the other forced me to 
a constant undercurrent of thoughtfulness, of striving to 
find out the why and wherefore of all that came within 
my consciousness. 

I remember, on the occasion of which I speak, how 
trifling and petty the things that seemed so interesting 
to these grown people suddenly appeared to me, and the 
childish contempt they awakened. I said to myself that 
it would be a misfortune to grow up if there were noth- 
ing better to busy myself with. And it must have been 
then that the first distinct consciousness of God my 
Creator awoke in me, for as I asked myself. What shall I 
do, then ? the answer came : " Well, I am here, and I 
did not put myself here. Whoever made me has a 
right to do with me what he pleases. He must have 
made me for some good purpose. I don't know what it 
is, but the only way I see is to use whatever power I 
find in myself for the best use I can discover." And 
then and there I resolved to model my own life on other 
lines, and to strive to make my influence not only good, 
but as far-reaching as possible. 

My parents were originally Baptists, but had after- 
wards drifted into another form of Protestant orthodoxy. 
The Bible became very early my favorite reading. As 
a young girl I used often to rise at half-past four in 
the morning to give more time to the study of it. I 



From the Highways of Life, 1 1 3 

accepted it all as literally true, and used to pray with 
great earnestness, and often with what seemed great 
success, for what I wanted. It appears to me now that 
my faith was at once singularly vivid and singularly lack- 
ing in any emotional quality. 

I believed then as firmly as I do now in God my 
Creator, in Jesus Christ my Redeemer, in the Real 
Presence in the sacrament of the Lord's Supper, in the 
absolute right of God to make laws which it was my 
absolute duty to obey whenever they became known to 
me ; in judgment, hell, and heaven, and in the efficacy of 
prayer. But all these things had taken shape in my 
mind by processes of which I distinctly recall none but 
that of reading the Bible. The first time I remember 
being spoken to on the subject of religion was on the 
occasion of a " revival " at the ** State Street Church," 
Portland, which our family attended. I think it must 
have been a Congregational church, but I never knew it 
by any name but that. Coming home to dinner one day 
my father abruptly said to me : 

" Molly, where do you think you would go if you 
should die now ? " 

*' To heaven," I answered promptly. 

*' But why ? " 

" Because ever since I knew there was a heaven I 
have always prayed God to save me, and Jesus said that 
whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you shall receiv^e." 

** Yes," returned my father, " but He also said that He 
would confess those before His Father in heaven who 
confess Him here on earth, and deny those who deny Him." 

" But I don't deny Him," said I. 



114 From the Highways of Life, 

" Do you confess Him ? " 

" How can I confess Him ? You wouldn't like me to 
go through the streets crying out that I believe in Him, 
would you ? " 

** I think you ought to join the church." 

" I can't, because I haven't experienced religion." 

** Why don't you, then ? " 

I looked at him amazed. ** Why don't I ? Because I 
can't make myself feel the way they say you must feel. 
I am willing to do anything, but that is all I am able to 
promise." 

The talk ended with his . advising me to go down to 
the church and speak with the minister, which I did 
without delay. There were a good many at the meeting 
I attended, and those who had it in charge went from 
one to another, inquiring into their experiences and offer- 
ing advice. When the minister reached me he said : 

" Well, my little girl, and what do you feel } " 

" I don't feel anything." 

" What are you here for, then ? " 

** Because my father told me I had better come," said 
I, and then recounted to him what had taken place at 
dinner-time. 

*' Don't you feel sorry for your sins ? " he asked when 
I had finished. 

" I try never to commit any," said I. 

" But you do sometimes, I suppose ? " 

**Well, whenever I think I have, I am very sorry, and 
resolve never to do so any more." 

" Why are you sorry ? It is because you love God, 
isn't it, and don't want to offend Him?" 



From the Highways of Life. 115 

" I dont love Him ; I don't know how to. I try not 
to disobey Him, because I know He made me, and has 
a right to demand of me whatever He pleases, and it is 
wrong for me to refuse." 

The minister questioned me very closely, trying to 
elicit some sentiment or some profession of love to God; 
but while I persisted in affirming that my will w^as ready 
to do not only whatever God commanded, but whatever I 
thought He would prefer, still I had no love for Him at 
all. Finally he said : 

" But why don't you ask God to make you love Him ? " 

*' So I have, but He never does. I suppose He isn't 
ready yet." 

'* Well, ask again, then, and we will all pray for you ; 
for I don't see how we can admit you into the church if 
you say you don't love God." 

He appointed another meeting, which I attended, but 
still, in spite of all the prayers, in precisely the same 
state of mind. My case was talked over, and I was 
labored with, and, in especial, the difficulty of receiving 
me without proper sentiments on my part was dwelt 
upon. 

** Well," I said at last, " if you can't receive me, you 
can't ; but it is not my fault. I am ready to enter, and I 
will faithfully keep all the rules, but I can't feel, and I 
will not say I do when I don't." 

On that understanding I was admitted a few days 
later. So far as I was concerned, that step had no 
especial, or at least no sacred, significance to me. The 
idea of the church as the mystical body of Christ, into 
which I was about to be grafted by baptism, or even as 



1 1 6 From the Highzvays of Life. 

the authorized teacher of all revealed truth, had never 
entered my mind. In a vague way I had taken it for 
granted that all the different sects which flourished in 
our city and elsewhere were segments of an invisible 
circle, all of which taken together made up the Christian 
body. One could' enter whichever pleased him best or 
was the handiest. I looked on them as a sort of re- 
ligious clubs, each including a number of people who 
thought pretty much alike, or who had social affinities, 
and to which all were eligible who were ready to keep 
the rules and pay their dues. 

Still, receiving communion was a serious matter to me. 
I do not recall that I was explicitly taught anything on 
this point or on any other. My Bible-reading had made 
me aware of the peculiar sacredness with which our Lord 
had clothed that sacrament, and that He had made its 
reception essential, so that I looked upon it as something 
that was required by God to be done, and done in His 
own way. The thought was always vividly present to me 
at the communion season that " he that receives the Lord's 
body unworthily eateth and drinketh damnation " ; and 
with that came the recollection of the injunction : " When 
thou bringest thy gift before the altar, if thy brother 
hath aught against thee, go first and be reconciled to 
thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift." It was 
easy to rid my own heart of aught against my brother, 
but how to get rid of his aught against me ? It was 
often a hard and complicated matter, but I did what I 
could about it, satisfied that nothing impossible would be 
required of me, and in much the same way that a 
Catholic prepares for confession. Still I found no happi- 



From the Highways of Life, 1 1 7 

ness in it, except the peace of mind that follows an 
unpleasant duty done. I was amazed, though, now and 
then, that the difficulty of " first being reconciled to thy 
brother " seemed to be less serious to others than I 
found it. But I concluded that it was a perplexity known 
only to themselves, as mine appeared to be unintelligible 
to others, and anyway it was no affair of mine. 

After a while I was asked to instruct a Bible class, 
and though I was smaller and younger than many of the 
members, and remonstrated, yet, as my elders persisted 
in desiring it, I finally accepted it as a thing which God 
required of me, and for the fruits of which He would 
make Himself responsible. I must have given out some 
curious views now and again, but the class seemed 
pleased. I mention the circumstance here because some 
of my pupils became so attached to me, and so much 
under my influence, that when I found my ow^n safe 
guide in the one true Church they showed so strong a 
disposition to believe that I must have good grounds for 
the step, and such a willingness to inquire for them- 
selves, that on that ground the very unusual course of 
reading me publicly out of the sect I had abandoned 
was resorted to. It was done at a time when the church 
was crowded to the doors, my own father and brother 
being among those present, by the minister who had 
received me. He said it was his " painful duty to pub- 
licly excommunicate Miss , as she had seen fit to 

unite herself with the Roman Catholic Church, with 
which we have no fellowship whatever.'* 

As to my conversion, it took place in this way : I had 
a friend, the daughter of a minister, with whom I was in 



1 1 8 From the Highways of Life. 

the habit of taking early walks. Calling for her one 
February morning and finding her indisposed, I went on 
alone. My road took me past the chapel that then 
served as a pro-cathedral, and in going by I noticed that 
the door stood open. I do not recall whether or not I 
then knew that it 'was a Catholic church, but, wondering 
why it was open on a week-day, I strolled in. 

A few people were there already, and, as more fol- 
lowed, I waited to see what they would do. Presently 
the bishop, whom I knew by sight, came out and vested, 
and I mildly speculated whether he regarded this cere- 
mony of dress as necessary, or only as a means to 
impress the people. I remained seated near the door, in 
the same state of superior-minded curiosity, and moder- 
ately interested in what I had no idea of the meaning of, 
until the moment of consecration, when in one instant 
my whole soul was enveloped in a flood of illumination, 
through which I knew the august mystery that was 
taking place and all the truths of the Catholic faith. I 
fell on my knees, and knew myself a Catholic. 

As soon as Mass was over I went to my friend and 
asked her if she would help me to procure books which 
would explain the ceremonies of the Catholic Church. 

** Why do you want them ? " she inquired. 

" I am a Catholic," said I, " but I don't understand 
the ceremonial." 

A look of terror came over her face. " Don't say 
that," she exclaimed, *' or you will make yourself believe 
it is true ! " 

" I wish I could make myself believe that it isn't/' I 
answered, " for Heaven knows I don't want to be one ; 



From the Highways of Life, 1 19 

but it is too late now. I know that the CathoHc reHgion 
is the only true one. And as my father is fearfully pre- 
judiced against it, I want to give him as rational an ex- 
planation of it as I can. I know what they believe, 
but I don't understand their forms." 

She tried to dissuade me, but my light had been too 
clear. It would have been as easy to convince St. Paul 
before Damascus that he had any option about his future 
course. Finding that I was beyond argument or persua- 
sion, she finally proposed a plan that we carried out. 
We went to the church late on the following Saturday 
evening, I in a state of great fear lest I should be recog- 
nized and reported to my father before I was ready to 
explain and defend my position. My friend slipped into 
one of the confessionals when the people were nearly all 
gone, and asked the priest sitting there for books of in- 
struction. He questioned her a little, and then said that 
if she w^ere in earnest she might come in daylight, on 
the next Monday, to the bishop's house, and they would 
be given her. This was another stumbling-block to me, 
for the house was in a street through which my father 
was likely to pass many times a day, and I dreaded lest 
he might see me. But as there was no other way, we 
went together to keep the appointment. We asked for 
the priest she had spoken with, but the bishop himself 
soon came into the parlor, and with a very severe ex- 
pression demanded : 

*' What is the meaning of this that Father — — tells 
me?" And then turning to me, he said: ** You are Mr. 
's daughter, are you not ? I hope this is no school- 
girl folly on your part, for your father is a friend of mine." 



I20 From the HigJnvays of Life, 

Thereupon I told him just what had occurred to me 
during his Mass on a morning of the past week. When 
I had finished he said : ** Do you mean to tell me that 
you know the truths taught in the catechism without 
having studied it ? " 

** I don't know 'about the catechism," I answered ; " I 
did not know there was one. I know what the Church 
teaches, but I don't understand the ceremonies." 

He instantly rang a bell and asked for a catechism. 
When it was brought he opened it and began to ask 
questions here and there, which without the slightest 
hesitation I answered correctly. Several times he looked 
at me with surprise, and finally, closing the book, he ex- 
claimed : 

** And you say you have never seen a catechism ? " 

" No, bishop, I did not know there was such a thing." 

It was then that he counselled me never to repeat 
this story, saying ,that although he accepted it as true, 
yet it would be generally regarded as incredible. I ob- 
tained the books I needed, and, as it was Lent, I began 
to observe the regulations about fasting. 

From my account of the manner of my baptism by 
sprinkling when I joined the " State Street Church," and 
my own interior conditions at the time, the bishop saw 
serious cause to doubt if I had ever been baptized at all, 
and decided to give me conditional baptism when I 
should formally enter the Catholic Church. The time 
until that day arrived was one of bitter anguish. 

My chief anxiety was to spare my parents and my 
friends as much as possible, and as obstacles multiplied, the 
weary time of probation prolonged itself to months. For 



From the Highzvays of Life. 121 

a time all my friends abandoned me ; if we met by chance, 
they crossed the street to avoid me, or' became absorbed 
in other things, so that they did not see me ; I felt Hke 
a leper. My father, who shared the general behef that I 
would not take the final step, told me that the day I en- 
tered the Catholic Church I would cut myself off from 
my home and people. 

The day of my reception came at last. In the late 
afternoon I dragged myself to the little chapel with a 
heart so heavy that I could hardly lift my feet. I felt as 
I should have felt had I been going to execution. No 
one was in the chapel but an old woman, and three 
stranger nuns w^ho had come from Montreal to found a 
convent. They were sombre figures, all in black, kneel- 
ing immovably side by side, but I was glad they were 
there ; they would pray for me. I was not quite so lone- 
ly! I think this must have been true baptism., for the 
moment the waters flowed on my head I felt all my tor- 
ture vanish, and for the first time a flood of joy poured 
into my heart. As I had never felt happiness in religion 
before, from that moment I never ceased to feel it, ex- 
cept for one terrible hour of darkness long ago. Trials 
have not been wanting, but none has ever been able to 
interrupt the overpowering gratitude and joy that I am 
a Catholic. All else in life of pleasure or of pain has 
seemed of no account beside that one great, crowning 
treasure. 




THE STORY OP A COLORED MAN'S 
CONVERSION. 

WAS 'born a slave and brought up and 
educated in Staunton, Va. My mother is 
a pure black, my father nearly so, having 
some admixture of white blood. Both were 
slaves up to the time of emancipation. My 
parents were both /* Ironside " Baptists. They taught 
me the total depravity of man, and that only the elect 
(a few *' Ironsides ") would be saved. My mother could 
read and write very well. She taught me to spell when 
only four years of age. Also to make the script alpha- 
bet. She also had a limited knowledge of music. 

When very young I was taught to say the Our Father 
and the little prayer, ** Now I lay me down to sleep." 

There being at that time no Baptist church in our 
town, my parents- sent us — four boys, of w^hom I was 
the youngest, and a girl — to the Methodist Sunday-school. 
My teacher was a Mr. Morris, who now lives in Tyson 
Street, Baltimore. He taught me the Apostles* Creed 
and a considerable part of the Methodist Catechism, 
which I soon became very fond of. I afterwards entered 
the Bible-class taught by Mr. Thomas Campbell, the 
superintendent of the Sunday-school, also one of Staun- 
ton's most respected citizens, and at one time superinten- 
dent of its public schools. After tw^o years in that class 
I became a teacher in the Sunday-school, though not yet 
a member of any church. At the age of fourteen I 
graduated from the public schools, and six months later 
I joined the church called the Augusta Street Methodist 
Episcopal Church, Rev. Robert Steele, now presiding 

122 



From the Highways of Life, 123 

elder of the Baltimore district, being pastor. I had a 
purpose to study for the ministry, and hoped to be able 
to do so. I commenced my course of Biblical studies 
under Mr. Steele, continuing them under his successor, 
Rev. Benjamin Brown, a learned Methodist divine, now 
stationed at John Wesley's Church, Hill Street, Baltimore. 
I also studied Bi7ineys Compend of Theology as a sort 
of doctrinal text-book. I was always very fond of his- 
tory, and read much of it, both ancient and modern, 
including The Rise of Methodis7n ; also a great deal 
about the so-called Reformation. I also studied vocal 
music for four years under Dr. D. J. L. Braun, the most 
noted vocalist of our section of country, and instrumental 
music for the same length of time under Professor 
Koerber and his son Philip. I was soon made a class- 
leader and took charge of the young people, with gen- 
eral charge of the Sunday afternoon prayer-meeting. 

I was especially fond of the New Testament studies, 
and these first pointed me towards the true Church. 
More than once did I ask my instructor why the minis- 
ters nowadays do not forgive sins ; why after baptism 
hands were not imposed, as had been done by the 
Apostles. The fifth chapter of St. James also caused me 
to ask why what is there described is not now done. My 
teacher would always evade these questions ; sometimes 
he would speak of the Catholic Church, which claimed 
all these, and say her clergy were deluded, blinding the 
people, etc., etc. Afterwards I attended a Methodist 
seminary, and, besides the usual lessons, read much of 
Sts. Augustine and Jerome, and also' the history of the 
Benedictines, which was exceedingly interesting to me. 
All of this reading gradually influenced me in the right 
direction. 

As yet I had never been in a Catholic church or 
heard a priest's voice. Meantime Catholic matters were 



1 24 From the Highways of Life. 

often discussed among us even in class. Once we had a 
very lively debate on the question : Were Roman Catho- 
lics ever a holy people ? I began about this time to have 
much curiosity about the Church, and a longing desire to 
attend Catholic worship and hear a priest preach, and 
this longing only grew the stronger as I continually heard 
and read so much about the errors of the old Church, 
and of how she had fallen from Christ. Led as much by 
curiosity as by other human motives, I attended the 
Catholic church of our town on Christmas day, and was 
present at the Solemn Mass. It was St. Francis' Church, 
Augusta Street, Staunton. I went with no expectation 
of hearing the Gospel preached, or so much as the name 
of Jesus mentioned. The good priest whose words 
reached my heart that day is Rev. Father McVerry, still 
pastor there. The sermon was, to me, very effective. 
The preacher spoke solemnly on the sacrament of Pen- 
ance, and how the faithful should prepare, by seeking 
forgiveness of their sins, to receive their Lord in Holy 
Communion. The services seemed, of course, very 
strange to me ; but the sermon still more so. My mind 
was so full of it that I could not help putting many 
questions about this strange sermon to my professor, who 
soon became worried and fretted about me. He had 
ever been kind and indulgent towards me, but he told me 
that he feared that I would wilfully lose my soul. He 
declared with much feeling that he could see that my 
ideas had got into the Roman channel. I answered that 
I must have reached that channel through the works of 
Wesley and the Protestant Bible, because I had never 
till then read a Catholic book or heard a Catholic sermon 
till that Christmas day. 

At the opening of the next session, being without 
means, I could not re-enter the seminary, and, on account 
of what they called my ''queer ideas," was denied the 



From the Highways of Life, 125 

help usually given so liberally in our colored Protestant 
institutions. Through the kindness of my old professor 
I was appointed teacher in the colored school of 
Chambersburg, Pa. After teaching one term, and in 
addition giving music lessons in vacation, I managed to 
save a little money. I entered a college in Pennsylvania, 
studying hard and remaining till my savings were gone. 

A chance advertisement was, in God's providence, the 
finishing stroke in my journey to the Church. It was .in 
a Norristown, Pa., paper, and called for a young man to 
teach English in a German family. I had learned Ger- 
man in Staunton and had studied it further in Chambers- 
burg. In my answer to the advertisement I stated that 
I was colored ; still the family accepted me. The family 
consisted of a German Lutheran minister, his wife, two 
sons, and a daughter, all unable to speak a word of 
English. I proved to be useful to them, and I also be- 
came organist in their church. 

The family became very fond of me, and the boys m 
three months knew enough English to enter the public 
schools. I had access to the minister's large library, and 
became interested in the Hfe of Martin Luther. Nothing 
had given my mind such trouble as the doctrine of the 
Real Presence in the Eucharist. But little by little my 
soul became satisfied and my doubts came to an end. I 
also read here Luther's Tisch reden (Table-talk). These 
works, with the minister's many talks on consubstantia- 
tion and other doctrines, instead of settling my doubts, 
led me only the more eagerly to search for truth ; which 
no honest, fair-minded person ever earnestly did without 
finally landing in the communion of the holy Roman 
Catholic Church. 

It was while in this family I commenced instruction 
under a priest, which I kept up steadily for six months. 
These first instructions I received from Father James 



1 26 From the Highways of Life, 

Manahan, assistant priest at the Catholic church at Nor- 
ristown. My engagement in the minister's family termin- 
ating, I then entered the '* Delaware Association for the 
Education of Colored People," and was appointed teacher 
of the school at Smyrna. There I resumed my course of 
instructions in the Catholic faith, and was in about a 
year's time baptized in St. Polycarp's Church, Smyrna. 
The Protestant people were furious at me. and turned me 
out of the school. Returning to Virginia, I by chance 
learned that my old school, in which I had taught for 
four years, was vacant. My application was successful. 
But as soon as it was known that I was a Catholic I 
experienced the same opposition, and was forced to give 
up the school. 

When it became known that I had actually become a 
Catholic, all my friends set up a howl. I could no longer 
teach a whole term in any public school, for as soon 
as it was discovered that I was a Catholic intrigues were 
started which caused my dismissal. Consequently for a 
long time I suffered greatly. After school hours some- 
how I felt that I must share with others what I had 
gained, the gift of faith that was so precious to my soul. 
I do not mean that I taught Catholic doctrine in a public- 
school building, but at my room or other convenient 
places. Some of my dearest friends in Staunton declared 
that since I had gone into idolatry they could no longer 
care for me as in days past. My mother thought it 
awful, but said little. My sister really thought I had 
more sense than to be paying a man fifty cents every 
week to forgive me my sins. My brother (but one being 
alive at this time) declared that he would go to his 
grave mourning my lost condition. ** Brother Lewis," a 
well-known class-leader, met me about a year ago, when 
the following conversation took place : 

** Well, brother, I am real glad to see you; I've been 



From the Highways of Life, 127 

praying God a long time to see you." '* Mr. Lewis, I am 
very glad that some Staunton friend gives me such a 
kind welcome." 

" But, brother, what do you mean by addressing me 
so — Mister Lewis. You could not expect your old friends 
to love you as they once did. You know, brother, you 
have turned your back on Him whom you once served 
and gone after strange gods, worshipping idols. You 
were such a promising young man, and no doubt would 
have been a power in our church. What ever possessed 
you to take such a course ? " " Being concerned about 
the salvation of my soul caused me to do as I have 
done." 

** What do you mean ? " "I mean that since there is 
but one faith and one baptism, there can be but one 
church, and that must be none of John Wesley's making, 
but the work of God. Show me the powder in John Wes- 
ley or any other man to set up a church or religion and 
call it Christ's." 

** Now, my brother, you don't just understand. In your 
Church it is taught that salvation is by believing in a 
man. Faith alone saves us." " What then will you do 
with the passage of Scripture which says, * Faith with- 
out works is dead ' ? " ** That's quite true, etc." 

Our conversation was quite lengthy. He became 
much interested in Catholic doctrine, and concluded that 
if the old Church taught .all that I said she did, she 
had never erred. He insisted that I should see his new 
pastor, which I consented to do the next day at his 
house. He introduced me as an old class-leader who 
had left good old Wesley and gone to Rome. Our 
meeting was pleasant. After nearly two hours' debate 
on Methodism and CathoHcity; he said I had the ad- 
vantage of him because I could argue pro and con. — 
meaning that I was acquainted with both sides. 



128 From the Highivays of Life, 

Our holy Mother the Church being the mother 
and mistress of all churches, in her alone are found the 
necessary means of salvation. To her was given the 
command : " Go teach all nations." Ethiopia has not 
yet received the word, although in America she stretch- 
es forth her hands. It is the bounden duty of the Church 
to grasp those outstretched hands and draw these poor 
people to her bosom. 

And now, if I am allowed a word about the pros- 
pects of making Catholics of my people, I must say that 
in Virginia and other Southern States the conversion of 
the negro cannot be very successfully carried on by 
white priests alone. Prejudice among my race against 
a white man (one of the curses of slavery) still strongly 
exists. They have no confidence in what a white man 
says about religious questions, and think it perfectly 
ridiculous that a white man must have charge of col- 
ored people. Many colored people, being excessively 
suspicious, will look upon efforts made by a white 
clergy alone as a device to entrap them in some way 
or other. Meantime the Protestant whites will make 
great efforts to hinder the Catholic Church spreading 
among the blacks. In this section a school taught by 
a white teacher is a failure. A few colored priests, 
noble-hearted men and good speakers, would in a few 
years make a good showing in our State, and no 
doubt in all the adjoining ones. 

This is a brief yet complete narrative of how I 
found the true Church. God grant that some Protes- 
tant who reads this may be so concerned about his soul's 
welfare as to do likewise ! 



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